It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Another Day, Another Adventure.

I don't want to look out my windows and see this anymore.
It is quite beautiful .. I have never seen so much snow, for so long. Too bad I was all alone for the first huge snow of my life and too bad I had to be snowed in for most of the winter because of all that snow.
But  it will definitely be a big memory .. in all sorts of ways.

My home is for sale. As usual, everyone loves it but no one has bought it yet.
There are whispers of interest.

It is both happy/sad to go through this.
The home my husband loved, that we looked for and found together, where all of my last memories of him are centered.
Making me laugh as he drove past on his new best toy ever ! his John Deer lawnmower.
The look on his face after he had raked leaves into a pile then I started picking up handsful and throwing them at him.
The revenge he got for throwing his pile of leaves at him.
The night we saw our First Full Moon back in the US ... right in that dark dark sky over our heads and our new home.
The night the power went off all around the neighborhood so we shuffled off to bed at 9 pm and he told me stories .... of his childhood, being in the Navy , living in India , living in England, his stories were always the best ... ever.

He wanted to get a cat when we were settled in.
I did too .. and a dog.
We agreed we should start with the cat.
He wanted a Russian Blue. I was fine with that.

I wonder today, after spending time here in this house, if I would have continued to be as happy , if he was still here. Or would we both have looked at each other and said, Enough is Enough .. let's put the house on the market and move .. South.
Taking our kitten with us and hoping our son would visit even if we weren't just a few hours away..

He once said that If they want to see us, they will manage to find a way.

So I remember everything he said as I still struggle with losing him and with doing things for the First time.
Today I will complete the big scary adventure of Getting My Car in my name only.
Thank goodness for kind people everywhere.
Especially, the lady at the Hudson NY Motor Vehicle Office.

So another Adventure begins .. Minette and I will be on the road again, within months, I hope.

Monday, March 30, 2015


I woke to a snow storm,
After I got out of the shower, it was an ice storm.
Now I am looking out the window and the sun is shining .

Crows are everywhere, looking for food in the corn fields behind my house, flying over and cawing to each other .
Some of them are quite large.
Minette would not stand a chance if one of them had a taste for kitten.

She is safe behind glass doors, wishing she could catch one of the chickadees .. or better, the chipmunk who is back to his old spot, outside the living room window, where he and she can get a good look at each other .. safely.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

I Took A Nap

I took a nap  
I took a nap on the sofa
I took a nap while playing with my toy 
I took a nap by the Eiffel Tower
I took a nap in mama'a lap
I took a nap with the blanket
I love that blanket
I took a nap in the basket 
I took a nap on Mamas sweater
I took a nap

Thursday, March 26, 2015

About the love of a Dog

Heartbreaking yet  Wonderful

                                   Click on "Heartbreaking yet wonderful"  to read the story

It's the Small Things

In the past year and few months, I have managed to learn to live alone.
A bit old for that wasn't I ?
But I married when I was 21 ... I never really had to be alone.
I had girlfriends, boyfriends, family ...

And when we met, that was it.
We were never apart from that day on.Well, in those very beginning days, maybe 2 weeks I slept in my own bed .. but then .. I moved in with him and that was that .. for 40 + years.

We were together when I became "legal" .. I know, I laughed when I wrote it.

In so many ways, he taught me everything I know.
He sort of taught me how to think about things but that was more by example, he was one of those people who was supremely confident and had such good sense not to mention being freaking smart.
He had a wicked sense of humor but he was kind.

I try to remember things that he said or did and apply them to the way I try to manage things alone.
It isn't easy.

I have this Fear ... a fear of getting something wrong.
Like the men in uniforms will drag me out of the house and put me away,  if I filed something on the wrong day or didn't fill out the right form.

Today was a good example.
I got our car inspected.
The registration is not here yet, just the temporary.
So I just have to show them and they will give me my sticker.

But the meltdown when I got home and realized that the registration was not here yet, because I made such a mess of filing it out ... and sending it in later than I should have .. was epic.

This always happens and someone with a calm voice will reassure me that it is OK and just give them the form when I get it in the mail.
But that doesn't help.

I effed up .

So I came home and there is nothing to eat.
It is pouring rain and cold out , so I thought I would make popcorn.
It is that buttered crap so it smoked the entire kitchen... windows had to be opened, cats had to be shooed out of the room and my sofa smells like a movie theatre now.

So I ate 3 cinnamon rolls.
My heart is now racing from inhaling butter smoke and eating all that sugar.

So nothing really big and awful happened today but I feel like it did.

Where would you like to be ?

I don't know, what do you think .... where would you rather be right now ?

hint .... not the top photo

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


I am cold. I have been cold for months and I am tired of it.
The kitten is annoying. She is bored. So am I but I don't climb in the windows and knock things off.
I have to stay home, there are deliveries expected.
It is sunny and bright and dry. I should be out driving around, looking at houses. Or shopping for shoes. or something.

My sugar levels are probably low, a big bite of my chocolate mousse birthday cake might be needed.
What will I do when it is All Gone ?
It does not bear thinking about.

So while I am bored and cold and having sugar levels plummeting, I am looking at dogs for adoption.
I know , I know, I am a masochist.

Of course I found one. I am not looking at this time, for a puppy to house train and keep from chewing all the furniture, I have Minette for that .. she still sharpens her claws on that damned sofa brought all the way back here from Buenos Aires.
The thing is a monster and weighs more than my car and wherever I go for the rest of my life, I guess I will have to take The Sofa with me.
So I don't want it to look like a Cat Scratching Post.

His name is Boone. He is an elderly black lab mix. He has a face that will break your heart, and no one wants an old dog and I saw his face and knew that I should adopt him and give him some last really really good years.
If you don't count the kitten who may drive him crazy .. but probably who will become his best friend for the rest of his life.

So what if I am going to move ? Does all of life come to a halt until I settle my real estate issues ?
No .. I was going to get a dog when I moved... so maybe I will get one now ..

The worst thing about having a dog right now is how cold it is outside .. to walk a dog in the cold here might be torture. But we will see ..

While I wait for deliveries, I am going to look at more real estate websites.
And wait for someone to come look at my house and buy it .. (from my mouth to Gods ears)

This is Boone ... do you blame me ?

Monday, March 23, 2015

When in doubt - eat cake.

I might possibly go out and buy me a present. And buy some cake ... and have it too.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Just the Way It Should Look

I was never that interested in Architecture until we went to Buenos Aires.
I loved the architecture of the buildings in London , they were part of what London was supposed to look like ! after years of reading and movies. That is the way London should look !

Paris was perfect. It looked just like it did in the movies.
French doors and windows and winding streets and stairs and balconies. It was Paris and looked just right.

Then we went to Buenos Aires ... well look at that !
Balconies, cobblestones, arched doorways and wait a minute ! the architect was French !

No wonder I liked Buenos Aires ... it was so French.
But it was also so Italian ! and Spanish ! the balconies , the customs, going home at lunchtime and having a wee nap before going back to work .. not in the US !

Porters who hold the elevator doors open for you, because the elevators are the old cage style from a long time ago.

Walk down the street to the park, all the doormen will say hello, some of them are polishing all the brass .. some are waiting to help the residents with their shopping bags, and a few would pet the dog and shake his hand.
(paw ... I was always corrected by my husband ... honey, he doesn't have hands ) ..
You wanna shake paws with me ? Just doesn't have the right sound to it.

I am starting my new search for a new home.
I will move but not quite sure where .. there are options which is always a good thing.
But sooo many choices .. so many ideas ... I am not sure of anything , how can I make a good decision, alone .. I have to do what is right for Minette !!

It is 5:00 ... I think I will have a cup of tea and think about dinner.
If I were in Buenos Aires, I would just call and have it delivered.
They don't even deliver pizza where I live .. sigh ...

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The Birthday Celebration

Thank you ! Merci ! Gracias ! Grazi!  to all who have sent Happy Birthday Wishes.
It is almost worth being a year older !

It was a day visit and we packed a weekend of laughing, eating, hugging and kissing and more laughing into today.

The baby is walking .. talking in mostly adorable baby jabber with key words spoken perfectly. mama, dada and grbleblufaa ( that is baby for grandma) ..

Minette had a great time .. especially when someone got a present wrapped in tissue .. it made her day.

Dinner turned out well ...
Dessert was the center of attention though, my daughter in law brought a chocolate mousse cake with dark chocolate icing and only someone who loves me would have thought of it .. my love for chocolate is only surpassed by my love for my children.

And it is very close.

If there was race .

The present made me smile, how can I not smile .. a photo taken of my husband and I laughing together, in Buenos Aires, when nothing but happiness was forecast and there were no clouds on our horizon.
Joyful, carefree, happy smiles on our faces.  . no hint of sadness or loss to come. I will look at that photo whenever I am sad and remember that there were many happy times .. truly completely happy times.

The baby is walking ... learning words .. Minette understood him.
There was one moment, holding the baby as he stood in the big bay window and the kitten was next to him and the three of us were still ... which if you know toddlers and kittens, this doesn't happen often, let alone at the same time !
It was one of those moments where I could feel my heart just swelling with the love I have for them and how much I miss my husband .. it was a bit of a struggle there, grief and happiness battling it out.
In the end, the baby made me laugh, the cat let the baby pet her and we were all content.

It was , as Birthday Celebrations go ... perfection.
I wish my daughter had been here with my big grandson, it would have been complete perfection but that will happen ... sooner rather than later I think.

The Best Laid Plans ...

My Birthday weekend has turned into my Birthday day.
Or half-day... by the time they get here and leave early to get home to put the baby to bed..

Oh well, what do they say ? The best laid plans of mice and men ....
This mouse and her kitten are going to make the best of it, soak in as much of that baby boy as possible, appreciate how wonderful his mama is , enjoy the son and be glad at least I had company for a few hours.

When everything is quiet again and settled down, my plans for moving, once the house is sold, will begin in earnest.

I have ideas ... see my eyebrow wiggle when I saw that .... I have ideas. Ideas about places to live.. the kind of ideas that are new, places not thought of before, thoughts that remind me that I have no one and nothing to really hold me down to one place .. Florida is the one idea .. but let me consider others before a final decision is made.

With all this snow, no one is looking at this house anyway- so I seem to have time to consider all my options.

Apparently I have to stay in the United States ... sigh ... but we will see what ideas pop up.

If anyone has a dream place to go live ... tell me about it.
If anyone is in a dream place to live, tell me about it.
If anyone is afraid of me being your new neighbor .... don't tell me about it.

The little family is delayed by snow .. on the way now- I have hours to muddle around .. I could have slept late :(

You know, with all the friends I have who live in Other Places, Minette and I could spend years just wandering the Globe, being Guests !

Hmmmm, gotta give that some thought too.

Have a happy day ..

so many places to see and visit .....

Friday, March 20, 2015

Music & Memories

I grew up in North Carolina.
I wasn't allowed to date until after I was 16 ,but Boys were allowed to come to my house and "hang out".
Of course, this just made me go to my girlfriends houses on weekends because They could date ... and I would go out with my boyfriends.
North Carolina wasn't famous for having much to do for young people at night.
Drive In movies were nice in summer.
We would line our cars up next to other friends, car hopping, boy / girl flirting , some older kids had alcohol ... not me ..
I tried it once. got sick as a dawg.
Went home, boy gave me a mint and pointed me in the direction of my front door and said 'Don't stop when you get inside, don't let them look at you '.
So of course, my Daddy opened the door for me and stopped me, looked at me then walked out to the car. . just as they were pulling away ... they escaped.
I didn't.
He was much better about it than I expected and looking back, he was much better than I would have been.
My daughter came in drunk once. I thought she had the flu.
Yes, apparently I  was The Clueless Mom.
But my husband knew .. oh yeah, he knew.

Does music bring back a lot of memories for you ?
Do you just have to hear part of the song, or even as I did, the singer ... and you flashback to those days, when you heard that singer or song for the first time ... or just loved them like I loved ole Roy.

There were a few bands and singers that I loved in those days ..
I should go to an Oldies station on the radio and drive around singing along with them, at the top of my lungs.
Bring out the North Carolina teenager in me ..
Yes, I think I will. As soon as the snow which began a couple of hours ago, stops ... again ..

PostScript .... all these years later, I have made friends with someone online , a lady.
She is ridiculously smart and kind and just everything most people wish they were .. or at least I do.
And son of a gun, she lives in North Carolina ..
I bet after talking to her for 5 minutes, I would start sounding like her . Bless her heart ~

Have a good safe weekend, ya'll ... My little family will be here tomorrow so no blogging til Monday.

A Lamb in New York

 Read the article in the New York Post ... this is the Best Story this week !!

"After a long , mean winter, New York has its first clear harbinger of Spring in the form of Smokey the lamb.
Now 3 weeks old and as soft as your favorite sweater."

 Read it here :

My Minette

Just about a year ago .. right after my birthday ... I went to Animalkind in Hudson NY.
I just thought I would look.
I walked in and there were all these tiny kittens and all these needy little creatures and I went home crying.

A couple of weeks later, I went back. I was ready this time.
I walked in and there were no cats .. it was quiet, they said that there were no kittens but one and I turned and looked and there was the tiniest blue kitten.. with huge yellow eyes .. she fit in my hand.

I opened the door to her room and she just walked out and looked at me ... as if to say , Come on Mama, let's go home.
So we did.

I cry writing about it.

I was just so incredibly sad in those days. There are still days where I think I can't even get out of bed.
But then I hear this creaky rusty little meow and she jumps onto the bed and starts purring  and walks on my head and sometimes, if it is way too early, she will curl up between my shoulder and my ear and go back to sleep. I usually do too.

She is the tiniest thing but she makes her presence known.
She dashes through the house, leaps onto window sills to see the birds, sits in the kitchen window and watches the birds, roams the house looking for a squeaky toy or me or a bird.
She rules the house and I am her devoted slave.

I go out and run errands but hate to leave her.
I don't stay out very long usually.
Of course when I get home she is 1- sitting by the sliding glass doors watching birds 2- sleeping.

Today I just lay down on the floor ... just to see what she would do.
She didn't like it much, it bothered her, why was I lying on the floor ? what was I doing ??
So she walked around on me for a minute then curled up at my throat and lay there purring.
Hey~ if mama wants to lie here, so will I.

So we are celebrating our birthdays together this year .. because her life really started when she came home with me .. my Minette.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Today is just beautiful ...

Boy, today is just beautiful. Gorgeous.
The sky is that light winter blue .. sparkling .. not a cloud in sight.
The sun is bright and coming in the windows and of course, there is a kitten, unconscious in the middle of a patch of sun on the carpet ... touch her, she is so hot ! touch her, she purrs.

I made a few things today for the weekend guests so I will spend a minimum of time in the kitchen.
I want to enjoy every minute, they have not been up for a few weeks .. I have been lonely .. Minette wants to know where is her baby ? I have told the realtor, no lookers this weekend, it is my Birthday weekend and no one is going to intrude.

I have no more pistachios or bird seed.
( chipmunks and birds)

So I have resorted to putting peanut butter on whole wheat crackers for the chipmunks .. they like it.
That one little chipmunk who naps on the wall edging outside my living room window .. tiny perfect little creature .. I love them.

I think I will go to the Hardware store and buy some bird seed and whatever I can find that chipmunks like  .. besides Skippy Peanut butter.
When I move, they are going to miss me.
I will be fondly spoken of in Chipmunk circles as the Peanut Butter Lady.

There are other people who do kind things for animals. They are always my heros ..
like this fellow ..
She was stuck on a rock.

I walked around the garden .. there is a huge amount of repair work to do .. many many tree limbs down, too big for me to move. In the front, a snow plow ran into my little New England Stone Wall.
It is mostly still a wall but there are stones here and there and it is just too cold to go out there and fix it but that is one of the things on my To Do list ... fix the wall... feed the birds ... feed the chipmunks.. Make sure the Pool house window shutters are firmly closed ... someone ( bird / squirrel/ raccoon) spent the winter in there .. fine with me. When it is warm enough not to need it, I will fix the shutters.

I have to go somewhere . It is so pretty out.   Hopefully I won't come across any trapped sheep.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

No More Sad Stories

So ... my birthday is coming soon .. in like .... 5 days.
I will have company for the weekend .. that is good.
Nothing like a little munchkin to ease the transition  ...

I went to the market and bought all kinds of foods .. sweets and salty things ..
I will make a pasta dish that everyone likes and put it in the freezer so this weekend I don't have to cook.

I plan on spending as much time as possible playing with the little one.
Who has not seen me in a few weeks .. I wonder if he misses me ..

Poor Minette will be banished, someone thinks she might do something ...someone forgot that they grew up with cats .. and lived to tell the tale.
But as far as I can tell, Minette does not hold a grudge so she will just get lots of extra snuggles when we are alone again.

This morning I got my face washed .. she tried to do something with my hair but we had to call a halt to that when she got sort of tangled up in it and I imagined having to go to the hair salon and ask them if they could get this cat out of my hair.

So the rest of the afternoon will be spent ... cooking Saturday night dinner ... going through closets .. looking at houses online ... taking a nap with a kitten .. (it's her idea, every afternoon she thinks I should take a nap with her, I hate to say no to her.)

And last but not least .. I will not read any more news stories or animal sad stories , just fictional detective stories or a mystery ...
Did I mention it is about -12 with wind chill up here today ?
Yeah ... and someone said why do you want to go to Florida ..

Here are some photos, unrelated to anything .. just because I like them.

    (this is a video .. very very cute)

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Save Myriah

The judge is scheduled to decide 2 p.m. Wednesday whether the 3-year-old dog named Myriah should be euthanized, returned to her owner on a confinement order or transferred to another facility from the Humane Society location where she has been held since November. 
Myriah was in court Monday with her owner George Boynton. 
Boynton, 61, answered to civil charges filed against him after complaints by his neighbor who said Myriah “aggressively attacked” his small 13-year-old Beagle-mix Lila in three separate incidents last fall.. Assistant District Attorney Jonathan Liberman told ABC News today, declining to release the name of Boyntons neighbor. 
Myriah, who wasn't on a leash and not heeding the commands made by Boyntons brother, who was walking her, bit Lila, who was on a leash, in two of the incidents.
Liberman said, though Boynton's lawyer, Randy Robinson, told ABC News Boynton believes Myriah was just playing with Lila.

The Judge threw it out and sent Myriah home with her owner.

Can it be true ? Spring ?

It's true ! Spring is coming, Winter is ending !!
I thought , as I looked out over the white landscape, snow that was still too deep for me to walk in ... that this is it .. this is my life .. eternal snow and cold and feeding birds .

At least the birds like me.

Then today the snow was significantly less .. the steps on the dining room "porch " were clear for the first time in months . . the bird seed is gone .. but there are more birds.
I can hear them now .. what a lovely sound ..

I walked out to the mailbox for the first time on a completely clear driveway .. not one drop of snow or ice on it.

But the biggest sign of all .. was one that Minette found .. the chipmunks are back. Her chipmunk is back. She sits on the window seat in the living room, frozen, a tiny still life of a blue kitten .. staring .
And out on the ledge along the house beside the window, sits a tiny chipmunk .. still, staring.
They are SO glad to see each other.

She is walking around the house muttering now .. she knows it is nap time.

I have been staring at the phone, willing it to ring, be the realtor , that couple that liked the house, they want to come back or they want to buy it or something !!

Two people have voiced interest and admiration .. ok .. so ?

I look at houses in Florida.
I looked at apartments but decided against it. I don't do well with neighbors anymore.
Living in the North Woods alone has made me appreciate Not hearing doors slamming, people yelling , dogs barking, cooking smells that are not coming from my kitchen .. bugs.

So while I will look for a small house, I might consider a townhome but really want I want is a tiny little house for the kitten and I and a dog.
Now is that asking for much ?
I didn't think so ..

So just someone, buy this house.
Let me get on with my life.
There is a puppy waiting out there for Minette and I to adopt it and spoil it rotten.

And warm weather. All . Year. Round.

Minette just came in here ... went into her igloo. Went to sleep. I think I might try that myself .. no silly, the nap, not the igloo.
Speaking of green ... when my husband and I would take the dog for a walk and a run in the park,
this is the staircase back up to where our home was ...
Yes, I am still homesick for Buenos Aires.

Monday, March 16, 2015

In the Closet

While the Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies bake, I am looking at House Related articles in online magazines.
 I get Lonny Magazine and there is almost always something interesting that I will use or remember for decorating or keeping drawers neat etc. Lots of helpful hints and ideas.

At this time,   I am looking at small historic homes in Florida .. my next home.
There are many in a charming neighborhood that I have my eye on.

While I wait to sell this house , and for the snow to melt ... again ... I am baking cookies and looking for house ideas.
This will sadly be the very first house I have ever bought alone and decorated with only myself to please.
Funnily  enough, there is no joy in that.

I remember when my decorating a house with a man that had his own ideas .. was always a compromise on this and that and mostly a joint effort that we both enjoyed.
He had exceptional taste and he was a grown up .. he gave in gracefully if I insisted on anything being My way ...

So the big thing here in this house is the fact that the master bedroom was an add on .. yes, the entire end of the house  ( a long ranch style) is a small room ( this one ) which can be a den or guest room and then my bedroom .. which is massive. It has one wall of closets, a door that leads outside to a private patio (back of house) and 3 massive windows .. oh and a full bath.
The closets are so big that all of his clothes and mine went into one each .. mine has shelves on one side that hold a collection of handbags and family photos ..and more shoes.

Now I am  looking at houses that have sometimes one bath , somethings a bath and a half.
Everything seems to be half the size of this house.
Which is fine, since there are half as many people.

Look at this

If I get a 3 bedroom house , I can make the room next to the master bedroom, my closet.
How fabulous is that ?

I am thinking regular furniture, dressers etc and shelves .. more open ...
Oooooooh ~

What do you think ?
What is your dream closet ?

Sunday, March 15, 2015

A Question for the Bloggers

I use Chrome ... I can use Safari but rarely do.
I have suddenly, with no change on my side, been unable to leave comments on any blog without switching back over to Safari. Then it all happens easily.

Can anyone give me an idea as to how to fix this ?
The Man who Fixed Things for me is gone now and this is beyond my scope of expertise.
If you want to know anything about shoes this season, though, you can ask me.

Thanks !

Friday, March 13, 2015


I was not going to post about the weather...but..
I was not freezing last night, there was the sound of wind this morning ... along with the pitiful meows of a hungry kitten .. and it doesn't seem to be any colder than usual.

My spirits started to shuffle around and consider getting high.

I looked out the windows as I staggered into the kitchen for my first gallon of coffee ... there are great swatches of ground showing ! the snow is actually melting ... there is a God.

The birds are very busy, # 1 on the list of Things To Do today is Buy Bird Seed.
They are hungry and they are entertaining, especially for Minette, who seems to be getting just a tiny bit neurotic over them.
She dashes into the dining room to look out the glass doors immediately in the mornings.
Now she is just walking around the house, talking, howling, muttering .. the birds must be somewhere else, she is missing them.
Imagine if I bought a couple of little birds and had them in a cage in the house !!
Neither Minette or the birds would last long, she would have a Total Meltdown and they would just die of Fright.

Cars are going by, on a clear, dry road ... this is really exciting.

I will venture out and buy some things for the weekend.
Minette and I are alone but there is no reason why we shouldn't do something special for the weekend.
I am considering baking something ... chocolate ... maybe gooey ... or maybe just a few dozen chocolate chip cookies. That never hurt anyone.

The house is warm and cozy .. can it be true ? Spring is coming ?

I looked at the weather forecast to see what the weekend will be .... I am sorry I did .

Freezing rain,
More Snow , for days and days.
It is 16 degrees out ..

I will go to the store .. buy some chocolate chips .. maybe I will bake ..maybe I will look at real estate in a place where they don't get snow .... maybe I will go back to bed.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

May my heart be kind, my mind fierce and my spirit brave.

Kate Forsyth,  The Witches of Eilenan 

You Are Going To Make It

When a woman loses her husband, she does not lose her mind too.
Well, some do for a short time, grief will do that to you, but she has not lost all sense and well, her brains !

There is a "mourning" period for a reason ... it is the time where loved ones are able to spend the time grieving, missing, getting used to loss ( if that is ever possible) and adjusting to their new reality.
Depending on the closeness of the couple, when one is gone, the other has to deal with the feeling of a loss of self .. the Other Half .

They have to begin again, on their own, no one to ask for opinions, choices, good/bad idea ?
Some might appreciate that, now they can do whatever they want. Eat whatever they want .. watch whatever they want on tv .. sleep in the middle of the bed.

Then there are those who try to continue to do what they did when there was 2 of them. Sleep on your side of the bed, leave his pillow there .. Watch the television shows you watched together, continue to think What would he do or say.

This is also a time when family and friends are tested.
True friends will be there .. they will    bring things that are helpful, tasty, comforting, just be there. They won't tell you to Stop talking about it, it will make you feel worse.

The truth is, talking about it is comforting.

A good friend will understand, even when they don't really understand, only those who have been through it really understand.

Time ... that is what works.
I know I wanted to take a magic pill and sleep for a couple of years and wake with good memories and no pain.
It has been a year, I have not reached that point yet but some things are less painful, I don't embarrass myself by weeping on the shoulder of a stranger working in a market.

I often feel frightened.
I am not sure of myself in many ways.
I am not secure feeling .. my source of security died.  I am a little adrift.

Some people mourn along with me, some want to get on with life and not be sad ( I wish for that too) and some get impatient ... why are you so sad ??

And for some people who have lost a loved one,   there are those who take advantage.
They tell them what to do if it benefits them.
They assure that things will be alright while they give advice that possibly might benefit them.
Someone who has suffered such a loss, should remember that old adage, don't make any big decisions for at least a year.

I guess the good news is .. and it is so corny ... Time Heals. It really does.

There will come a day when you realize that you haven't wept once all day, that you did something that was scary ( banking , car service ) and you did it like a champ !
You made decisions and they were good ones.

You lost your mate. You are alone.
But you are not a weakling or a wimp ( unless there is a huge spider in the kitchen ) and you can make big decisions.

You are going to make it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Minette Takes a Nap ... by the Eiffel Tower

Sometimes a nap just overcomes you and you   look for the closest spot to enjoy it.
And what better with a view of the Eiffel Tower ? !!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I've Had Enough

                           This sums up everything about where I live right now ..

My bird feeders have become Filling Stations for everyone.
I walk out to the feeders in snow that comes almost to my knees, do you know how clumsy and awkward it is to walk in snow that deep?
Do you know how scary it is that if I fall in it, I might have trouble getting out of it ?
Every time you put your hand down to push yourself up out of the snow, you sink up to your shoulder ... it is all scary and annoying and I have had enough.

When someone has had enough of snow ... they start daydreaming about living somewhere else, where snow just doesn't happen.
Somewhere that sunblock is needed most of the year.
Somewhere that costs less to live because you are not paying for heat bills that are sky high and winter clothing ...

Somewhere that you don't have to wear fur-lined boots or mittens, scarves and hats and layers and layers of clothing ..
Somewhere that the kitten is not in danger of freezing to death in 10 minutes if she ever got out.
Somewhere that I would not be in danger of freezing to death if I ever got out.

It is time.
I have to move.
My House is For Sale.
I am not quite sure where I will move to but odds are, there probably won't be snow in the forecast.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

The Pitter Patter of Tiny Kitten Feet

The thump of little feet ( paws) ... I have never had a small cat who made so much noise when it walks. She is tiny, her feet are small little cat feet ... she walks through the room and you hear
thump thump thump ... I laugh every time she does it.

Other times, I will be sitting here minding my own business, when all of a sudden, there she is !!
I jump ... I tell her, stop sneaking up on me like that !
She smirks.

Or I will be in the kitchen and suddenly she jumps up on the counter .. we have had that talk time and time again ... Stay Off the Counter !
She smirks.

It is so cold here. I picked her up and snuggled her, we were lying on the sofa watching tv, I held her little foot .. her paws are cold. My kitten has cold feet !
This might call for drastic measures.
Kitten mittens ?
Move to a warmer climate ?

I would like someone to come see my house tomorrow and tell the realtor that they have to have it , whatever the price !

I would like to look out the window and see the ground .. there has been several feet of snow on that ground for over a month .. maybe two .. who remembers ? I just know that the birds were beyond happy when the discovered that I ... the nice bird lady ... bought them a huge bag of bird seed and was very generous with the flinging of the seed into the yard.
Risking life limb and being buried alive in snow by going out to those damned feeders and filling them. Praying all the while that I would not fall and be buried alive because I had to feed Minette !

I can see the headlines now .. police find woman buried in snow, still alive .. muttering about dinnertimeforMinette .. the doctors would be puzzled, could it be a new dementia caused by snow ?

So there is a possibility that my plans for my future have changed drastically.
I might be house hunting in a new location. Not talking about it yet, thoughts have to sit for a while and settle in ... see if they sound right in the light of day ... see if I have possibly gone off the deep end or am I having a stroke of genius ... there is a fine line between Madness and Genius.
I keep reminding people of that .. you know, just in case they start to look at me funny.

Well, gotta go .. there are sounds in the kitchen and they are not the sounds of someone surprising me with a chocolate cake. .. dammit.

Buenos Aires 1934

Buenos Aires, 1934.
Before my time but if I could Time Travel, it would have been so great !
Very civilized, very courteous and mannerly .... crime was not the favorite pastime for many ..
Oh how they wined and dined and played Polo and wore fabulous jewelry out in public any time of day or night ...

It is certainly not the Buenos Aires of today but it still has possibilities.

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sunset in Buenos Aires