When a woman loses her husband, she does not lose her mind too.
Well, some do for a short time, grief will do that to you, but she has not lost all sense and well, her brains !
There is a "mourning" period for a reason ... it is the time where loved ones are able to spend the time grieving, missing, getting used to loss ( if that is ever possible) and adjusting to their new reality.
Depending on the closeness of the couple, when one is gone, the other has to deal with the feeling of a loss of self .. the Other Half .
They have to begin again, on their own, no one to ask for opinions, choices, good/bad idea ?
Some might appreciate that, now they can do whatever they want. Eat whatever they want .. watch whatever they want on tv .. sleep in the middle of the bed.
Then there are those who try to continue to do what they did when there was 2 of them. Sleep on your side of the bed, leave his pillow there .. Watch the television shows you watched together, continue to think What would he do or say.
This is also a time when family and friends are tested.
True friends will be there .. they will bring things that are helpful, tasty, comforting, just be there. They won't tell you to Stop talking about it, it will make you feel worse.
The truth is, talking about it is comforting.
A good friend will understand, even when they don't really understand, only those who have been through it really understand.
Time ... that is what works.
I know I wanted to take a magic pill and sleep for a couple of years and wake with good memories and no pain.
It has been a year, I have not reached that point yet but some things are less painful, I don't embarrass myself by weeping on the shoulder of a stranger working in a market.
I often feel frightened.
I am not sure of myself in many ways.
I am not secure feeling .. my source of security died. I am a little adrift.
Some people mourn along with me, some want to get on with life and not be sad ( I wish for that too) and some get impatient ... why are you so sad ??
And for some people who have lost a loved one, there are those who take advantage.
They tell them what to do if it benefits them.
They assure that things will be alright while they give advice that possibly might benefit them.
Someone who has suffered such a loss, should remember that old adage, don't make any big decisions for at least a year.
I guess the good news is .. and it is so corny ... Time Heals. It really does.
There will come a day when you realize that you haven't wept once all day, that you did something that was scary ( banking , car service ) and you did it like a champ !
You made decisions and they were good ones.
You lost your mate. You are alone.
But you are not a weakling or a wimp ( unless there is a huge spider in the kitchen ) and you can make big decisions.
You are going to make it.