It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Monday, January 30, 2017

A Good Boy

I miss the parks in Buenos Aires.
Yes, I am surrounded by green lawns, a State Forest behind my home, green everywhere, and I miss those parks in the city of Buenos Aires.

There are benches to sit and enjoy a bite to eat, rest and people watch, make a phone call, read a book, people watch.
People go to the parks for every reason and enjoy them ..

And not just people, all kinds of sweet creatures like the parks ..
Our dog, Tate was a great lover of "his" park. He would stand by the door in the mornings after we had gotten dressed, he knew it was time to go for a walk.
He knew the words, Go For A Walk ... he would be at the door waiting, once he heard those words.

We walked the block and a half down to the miles of parks that stretched along the wide avenues.
Sometimes we stopped at the bakery first, then had our scone ( not like any scone you have had) and did a bit of people watching, while Tate did a bit of dog sniffing ..
He would get his fair share of pets and kisses from the regular park goers who knew us, him .. and from new people who saw him for the first time.
You see, they had no Standard Poodles in Buenos Aires.
Small ones yes, but no big ones.
So my big brown boy was a show stopper. We had people stop us at a red light as we were crossing an avenue, asking us what kind of dog ? In the park , not only the people were interested but so were the other dogs.
Most of the dogs were "intact" ... they were dumbfounded by this big curly haired dog that didn't smell like a girl, but he didn't smell like a boy either ..
So we were often forced to drag someone's dog off of Tate or save Tate from being molested by a confused male dog.
Poor Tate, there were days that he was reluctant to go into the park.
We were able to take him everywhere, they are good that way, in Buenos Aires. We would go to a corner cafe, sitting outside in the sun and fresh air, having coffee and a scone and the waiters always brought Tate a bowl of water.

It was a whole aspect of living in another country that I / we never considered and experienced it with delight every day.

I miss that dog ... he was such a Good Boy ..

FairWeather Friends

A Fair Weather Friend ... one who supports others only when it is easy and convenient to do so.

Oh, who hasn't had at least one of those ?
You trust them, you confide in them, turn to them for advice or comfort and you do your best to be there for them.
You find yourself worrying about a friend who has an odd ailment, a rotten marriage, a rotten son or daughter .
You catch yourself worrying about them ! instead of any problem you might have of your own.
And then one day they just disappear. No word, no warning, just gone.
On one hand it is a mystery, on the other it is sort of a relief.
How many sad stories of drunken sons and failed marriages do you need to hear ...  from people who could learn a lesson or two in grief and loss .. but then one of them would say, that advice would be coming from someone who cloaks himself with grief , really ? "cloaks themselves with grief "? Is this a Harlequin Romance ?
If this has happened to you, don't feel bad. Don't miss that person. Don't take the blame.
When you have a Real Friend, you are equals .. you cannot lose a Real Friend that easily.
I had people gather around when my husband died.
Gathered around online. I was in the middle of nowhere having just moved back to the US from Argentina. I knew no one. My online friends were all I had.
And as time has gone by, so have they. One by one, they fizzled away .. it is difficult to keep an online friendship .. you need to see each other and hear each other.
Those lovely friendships in letters that used to happen, the famous ones we read about .. those people were worthy of friendship, regardless of the form it came in.
Shallow people are attracted to those who seem to be fun or interesting .. they want something from those people, something they know is lacking in themselves ..

This message is brought to you by an elderly lady who talked to me the other day while we sat on a bench by a pond ..

You never know when a little angel will pop up and have a chat ... with you ..

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I Miss New York

It is cold in Florida.
My cats discovered that there is a reason why I sleep in the bed with all those comforters.
I discovered why a bigger bed could be a good idea.
We all slept late and listening to Merlin purr his head off, eyes closed, foot twitching like he was dreaming he was playing a guitar, put me back into a light sleep.
Broken when Honey, Bless her Heart, yelled at me for being late with Breakfast.

She is now napping. Full of Breakfast.
Minette is in my closet, sleeping on a shelf.
Merlin is under the bed .. in his igloo .. warm, dark, safe, quiet.

I am about to go find something for myself and then to make lists.
I like lists. Actually, I love lists.
I feel organized when I make lists.
I shame myself when I lose lists, I am proud of myself when I keep a list, follow the list and come home with something accomplished.

I have things to do that are sort of interesting in the usual Things To Do way ..
I never really unpacked a few boxes when I moved in here .. for various reasons.
And having 3 bedrooms for myself, one has a closet full of boxes clothes and suitcases that await ..
packing, unpacking, putting away, throwing away, etc.

I will spend the day unpacking ... making piles ... folding things ... packing again.
3 bedrooms , large closets, they still can't accommodate me and my clothes and shoes and well, I admit, my handbags need at least half a closet of their own.

All those handbags are so wasted here. No one cares if I carry the same bag every day, but me.
Minette frowned once when she saw me carrying the same bag for several days but she might have just had a headache.

I have handbags that I don't carry, but will never get rid of , sentimental reasons ..
The day my husband and I went down to Soho *NYC* for lunch, stopped in some boutiques, and then the Prada store ... and I walked out with the tan suede with dark leather straps Prada bag ..
I never carry brown handbags. But I do dress for that bag .. in these years since that day, it still looks in style too.

I will enjoy shopping , even if it is Just Looking, in the Prada store again.
And then on over to Armani ... then to Broadway and a couple of shoe stores and food shops and back to the galleries where I can get my fill of Arty sights and sounds.

I miss New York City . It is Time to Visit ...  I wonder if I can wait until Spring ...

Wednesday, January 25, 2017


 Merlin My Love

He is still not himself.
Minette would not know what to do without Merlin.
Honey would never come down off the armoire and play .
They are already upset that he sleeps under the bed day and night.

Sleeping in a basket might be a sign of improvement !

Monday, January 23, 2017

Hopes Dreams and Alerts

"give me back my broken night 
my mirrored room, my secret life 
it’s lonely here, 
there’s no one left to torture."

There are days that I feel like I wrote this.
But mostly it seems like there are days that someone else wrote it, I was their last victim.

I have ideas, thoughts, hopes and dreams. 
Like most of us do. 

Some of mine are fantasy, moving to London to live near friends
Having a home in the US and a second home in Buenos Aires, Winning a Lottery..
If I won the Lottery, all the other wishes would come true too!
The cats could even have their own plane that I will fly on too.

Today my hopes are simple.
1- My daughter feels well after she gets home from hospital.
2-My dear sweet old cat Merlin starts feeling well, better, stronger again ... I cannot bear the thought of him not being here with me, my head will explode if I think about it.
3-I hope there are no more Tornado Alerts.
Yes, you heard me ... who else do you know, said that today?
Or last night ?
Or EVER ???

Yes, there were storms elsewhere and people died. I am so very very sorry for the loss of lives and homes  ... it makes no sense. This day and age and a tornado comes along and wipes out a town, family ... it just makes no sense.

it is chilly out, I am wearing a sweater, in the house ! the cats are sleeping on warm blankets and one old man is huddled in his igloo under the bed with blankets.

I think we all need to pack up and move.
Yeah ... it is that time of year again .. Candice wants to move.
Come on Cats ! start packing, Mama wants to find a new nest.

Alerts ... Be Alert ... The world needs more lerts.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

I'm Your Man

Give me back my broken night
my mirrored room, my secret life
it's lonely here,
there's no one left to torture "

Leonard Cohen

A long time ago, far far away, my husband met Leonard Cohen.
There was a similarity in the two men, at least superficial..quiet, pensive, thoughtful and in my opinion, something very sexy about both of them.

If at all possible, see the film,  I'm Your Man .. Brilliant.

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Doors in BA

My late husband suggested that I make a collection of my photos of the Doors.
I love the doors in Buenos Aires, all the old buildings have these massive wonderful doors on these pretty wonderful buildings. This was the front door of an apartment building, the other door just like it led to a hidden garden that only the residents had a key to.
I always wanted to live there, just because of that door.

Our home had glass and metal doors.. they were not bad and brought in light to the lobby which was all glass doors circa 1920 .. and an old "cage style" elevator that went right up the middle of the building with the marble staircase winding around the elevator shaft.

There were only 5 floors and only 2 apartments to each floor so it was still very quiet and you never had to wait for an elevator.

And then there were buildings like this  ... I have no memory if it was an apartment building or a government building . I remember the area so it could have been either.
We lived among a few Embassies and Ambassadors Residences .. what can I say .. it was lovely.

One day I might remember to tell the story of how we actually found our apartment in Buenos Aires.
Fate ... it is all up to Fate.

Thursday, January 19, 2017


Relative to my earlier blog post, I would like to clarify and address the word "pain" and the point I wanted to make ..

Of course I have been in pain, heartbroken, sad and alone since my husband died suddenly... due to a doctor doing the wrong thing and that one small thing, ended a happy and lovely life.

But since then, I have mourned and missed my best friend and love and I have struggled perhaps a bit more than some to find a semblance of a new ordinary life .
Our life was not that "ordinary" ... my husband had fabulous friends all over the world, we went on wonderful trips, we did things that some people envied, some people scoffed at and for us, our lives were ours, to live the way we wanted to and to enjoy every moment of.
Our children had a similar way of looking at life, we liked to take some credit for that.
They are fearless ... they are smart and of course, they take after their father !

I have thanked a few friends who stood by me, comforted me and did what they could to help me get through those darkest saddest days.

Now here is where things get bizarre and too weird for me to even begin to try to figure it out.
I will only tell what happened and then forget the whole thing .. the people involved and go on with my life happier than they are ... because no one that behaves like these people, is a happy person.
They like to share their misery and they like to inflict their pain and lack of something important missing in them. Not so much in their lives but these people themselves lack something .. perhaps it is humanity .. I don't know and I am not going to waste my time or thoughts on it or them.
Because these people are Worthless. They bring pain, not joy .. pain not laughter.. they are worthles people. Scrape them off the bottom of your shoe and have a good life ..

I had a "friend" .. we exchanged emails for years.
She has a lovely husband who works hard for his family, a daughter and a son.
The daughter seems lovely and smart, especially since she went to school in Europe and is not coming back to the US so fast, the better for her, away from the ugly influence of her mother.
The son had his problems but with AA and therapy, I think he has a chance.. perhaps if he avoids his mother for a while he will have an even better chance.

One day, out of nowhere, I received an ugly, mean, derisive, mocking and hateful email from her.
I thought at first , in shock at what I read ... that she was drunk or on drugs.
Then I thought about it and I realized that she was always like this - I was just not a target .. for whatever reason, she turned on me. It was like having a little pet dog that is cute and funny and one day it bares its teeth and goes after your throat.
So I put her down. LOL
I will never mention her again and after some time, I will delete this post and never think of her again..

But this is a good warning for people out there who have e-pals .. online friends .. people you really don't know, you only are in contact with online .
She could be a crazy man in prison for all I know, making up his persona and having a good laugh with the other inmates.

So, children, the lesson I learned that I am sharing with you, no matter how convinced you are that a person is honest and genuine, kind or funny or "real" ... if you have not met them in person, talked to them, heard their voice ... you still don't know them.

Keep some things personal, to yourself ... don't give your precious thoughts away to unknown people.
99% of those people on the internet will be fine, but as in my case, you might come across some sicko.

Lesson over ... What are you doing for the weekend ? I might be packing :)

Thank you

I think we all have little moments here and there in our lives where someone said something and it just hung there, in the air between you, like a smelly little dark cloud ... the person you least expected to be cruel or unkind or just plain stupid, blurted out something that try as they might, they couldn't grab those words and shove them back into that big mouth , from where they came...

I admit I have said things, blundered when trying to say something funny, kind, complimentary etc.

But I can truthfully say, I have never told a friend, someone who is mourning a death ..

that they " wear their mourning like a cloak" ...

Now perhaps she was trying it out for a new Harlequin Romance she wanted to write.

Or she considered herself worthy of a Dear Abby sort of tabloid sheet ... or sh*t .. whichever you prefer.

Especially when you think this person has dealt with drug addicted offspring and her own feelings of Keeping Up With The Joneses .. Always trying, never quite achieving .. it must make a person bitter.

So here I am .. Counting My Blessings.
Not whining to those here reading who I know have huge huge hearts and are brimful of kindness.
Not taking for granted the sweet words that are sent to me still, from far away places and people I have never actually met .. who say Just The Right Thing at the right moment.

I thank you all for your kindness, your sweetness, your common sense and your attempts at being helpful, even when I am stubborn, angry and b*tchy .. I know I am not a nice person all the time, none of us are ... but I do try to be more nice than not nice.
Sadly for me and the rest of us , there are those who struggle to be nice just now and then.
What a lonely life they must lead.

So Thank You Every One Of You for your Sweet, Kind and Helpful and often Funny notes to me to keep my spirits up, keep me smiling more than looking glum and the cats thank you too.
Because , you know cats, they are not thrilled with weeping moms who walk around the house, burying their face in that cat's hair ... then going out to the market and then discovering that they are totally covered in cat hair.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
The above is from Minette, Merlin and Honey.
And Thank you, from me.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017


If you used to live here, wouldn't you get homesick once in  awhile, wherever you live now ?

This is called La Isla. It is the top of a small hill, the British Embassy is facing these buildings, the parks are spread out below... my back was to those parks.
The buildings are wonderful, the amazing Public Library is nearby and it is actually quiet and peaceful, in the heart of the amazing beautiful city of Buenos Aires.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Talking in their Sleep

"You think I am dead,"
The apple tree said,
"Because I have never a leaf to show-
Because I stoop
and my branches droop,
And the dull grey mosses over me grow.

"But I'm still alive in trunk and shoot,
The buds of next May
I fold away.
But I pity the withered grass at my root"

"You think I am dead,
The quick grass said
Because I have parted with stem and blade.
But under the ground I am safe and sound
With the snows thick blanket over me laid."

"I'm all  alive and ready to shoot,
Should the Spring of the year
Come dancing here-
But I pity the flower without branch or root."

"You think I am dead"
A soft voice said,
"Because not a branch or root I own.
I never have died but close I hide
In a plumy seed that the wind has sown.
"Patient I wait through the long winter hours,
You will see me again-
I shall laugh at you then
Out of the eyes of a hundred flowers.

Edith Matilda Thomas

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Comic Relief

                             Minette wants someone to play hide and seek.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Under The Bed

Minette and I are exhausted from waiting on Merlin hand and paw. 
Honey is pretty tired too , she has kept Merlin's toys company all day.
He ate when fed but remains in the same spot all day.
Although my grandfather used to do that too .. 

So today will be spent making lists, plans and tending to a very old , very dear cat that I really can't bear the thought of losing.

He went under the bed and remains there.
I am so glad I have not gained weight and can slide under the bed easily ..

Someday when no one can find me, they should look under my bed.

A Home in Buenos Aires

I remember when we visited Buenos Aires, those first days. It was warm, sunny, dry and noisy.
This was because we were living in Portland, Oregon at that time...where it was cool, wet and not very noisy.
When we first visited Portland, it was summer, they were having sunny beautiful days and no rain.
When we went home to Florida and went through a couple of Hurricane warnings, my husband talked more and more about Portland...

Before we knew it, we were in the car with Tate (Pup ) and off to drive across the USA ... that was the best trip !
We were driving a really nice car that I still miss.
Tate had the back seat, we had plenty of music bought for the drive plus our favorites, we stayed in hotels every night.
La Quinta, we found out, always welcomed pets and Tate was especially welcome. Everyone loved him. Talk about spoiled, this dog drove around in a BMW and slept in hotels.. and had lunch every day at an outdoor cafe .. weather permitting.

The weather was the downfall for us in Portland.
Our apartment was brand new in one of the converted buildings that was all modern and concrete and glass. We had fabulous views, Whole Foods was not only across the street but we could go through the garage and go to the grocery store without stepping outside/ in the rain.

We had views of hills and mountains and the city. It was , for one lovely year, an enchanted place to be.

Then one Sunday, sitting on the floor, listening to music, reading the NYTimes .. my husband said ..How would you like to go visit    Buenos Aires ? .... And that is how it all began.

He did everything, it was up to me to pack. Our neighbor who had 2 dogs but one had recently died, offered to pup sit for us.. everything fell into place ... it was Meant to Be.

We met a nice lady at the airport, with her daughter, on the way to BA to visit her father and family.
She said we should meet her and her brother when we were there, have coffee.
(Meeting for coffee in BA is an every day offer/date/activity)

And so we stayed at the Art Suites Hotel with our suite at the back so our view was sky and back gardens of other buildings.
The staff was fabulous, the area perfect, for 10 days we were walking around in a daze .. we fell instantly in love with the city and the people .

We didn't really talk to each other about it .. we kept letting it sit , let it brew, wait and see.
For 10 days, we saw as much as we could, we walked everywhere, we took hair raising taxi rides that had us laughing and singing along with the music .. played loudly on the taxi radio once the driver realized we liked the music.

We saw our realtor friend and he took us to see some apartments, each very different from the other, giving us an idea of what homes were like there.

It was hard to leave .. 10 days was nothing .. a tiny taste of the place .. we knew we had to come back.
I remember how we would talk about something now and then but not really get into a big discussion or reminiscence of the place , of the visit.

After being home for a few days, my husband said .. How would you like to live in Buenos Aires.

And so the process began. It was easy for us, we had what we needed to live anywhere we wanted. But Tate, the pup, had to have shots and paperwork which had us running all over Oregon and then as these things go ... when it came down to it, he needed nothing but his rabies shot records.

He was allowed to fly in the cabin with us but at the last minute, the airline changed their minds.
Which was mostly upsetting because he had no blanket, nothing to give him comfort on that long flight alone in the airplane hold.

Boy, the Joy on a dog's face when his crate is brought into the luggage area of an airport and he sees his mom and dad.
The amazement on the faces of people in the luggage area who had never seen a Standard Poodle before, let alone one that danced in joy to see his mama.

To be continued

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I Resign.

You know in novels or in movies, there is a scene where the woman will be having a bit of hysterics and the man ( usually) says in a sensible voice, stop being hysterical, think of this and think of that and be strong etc etc" ?
The point being he will speak calmly and sensibly and help the hysteria calm down and go away.

Well.... in my fumbling way, I thought I could do that online .. in an email.
Being the sensible one, the calm voice of reason, the one that says it really sucks right now and nothing about it is your fault and it will get better and you will be happy again.

In the movies and novels, the person having the fit, calms down, says you are right, thank you for caring. Or  at least weeps on your shoulder and you feel that you did help, you did what you could..

So an old friend has had some tough knocks lately.
A family member delivered them.
The friend is reeling.
And a wee bit hysterical and frantic .. 
And her friend said that this was not her doing, that the person with the problem will have to straighten up and fly right and it will be tough but they can do it. And nothing she did was wrong except love the person.

And the response was an hysterical attack on me .
LOL .... my husband would have said I Told You So ... don't get involved ... don't say anything .. someone in that state of mind will not see you helping, they will be too defensive, they will hate you for it.

So there you are.

I am officially resigning from my position of Shoulder To Cry On.

Now to more exciting things to think about ... 
I am seriously debating with myself ... and I am winning ... on one more house move.
North...if not South.

I am already considering movers and how many boxes do I still have etc.
I miss New York.
I miss my little family in New York.
I miss my in-laws... who are really my family, the only one I have. If you don't count those who seem to spend their time reading my blog and being ungrateful. LOL

No, really, my family is in New York and that is where I ought to be.
So today is the Beginning of the Next Chapter in the Book of Me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017



I count myself lucky to have some friends from my teen years, from my early married years and from the days when we lived in Buenos Aires.
We have all kept in touch, not worried when a lot of time went by between letters/emails, because sooner or later, a wonderful story of travels done, babies born, pups found, stories to tell were sent to me in emails or actually on paper in envelopes ! Complete with photos ..

Over the years I have treasured these friends... they withstood the test of Time.

We still have interest in each others lives and well being.
We care.

Then there are the "friends" who can be met online, in chat forums, when someone asks a question you might have the answer for and you keep in touch .. after a few years, I guess/consider that a "friend" of sorts... even if you never met them in "real life".
I lost a lot of friend types when my husband died.
I guess the fear of that sort of Loss coming to close to their complacent lives was scary.
Then there are the ones who were friendly online because they wanted something ..

I am so glad today that the hopefully, last of 'those who wanted something' types are gone and the friends I have , have stood the test of time and loyalty and remain in my shorter but sweeter book of Friends.

Especially that silly girl that I met when we were 20 years old, in California, got into all kinds of "trouble" (never anything serious) and met all kinds of people and went to all kinds of places.
Now we are both grandmothers and laugh our heads off at the escapades of those two girls.. and fondly remember how much of it would not have happened if not for her ... and she says she would never have done That ! if not for me ....

Online friends come and go. There is nothing that really establishes that sort of "friendship" and you need to be able to look a person in the eye once or twice to feel that they are actually "real" and trustworthy.

So while I might be lonely now- it is because I miss my best friend of all, my husband.
No one else will fill that empty spot.

And the friends I have and the friends I make will be valued, more so when I toss out those names of those people who I might have thought were friends but I was mistaken.

Value your Real Friends .. Tell them you appreciate them.
Don't take it for granted that they are your friends ..
Reciprocate .. don't make them feel that it is one sided ..
Be glad you have friends.

The railroad track is miles away, 
    And the day is loud with voices speaking, 
Yet there isn’t a train goes by all day 
    But I hear its whistle shrieking.

All night there isn’t a train goes by, 
    Though the night is still for sleep and dreaming, 
But I see its cinders red on the sky, 
    And hear its engine steaming.

My heart is warm with the friends I make, 
    And better friends I’ll not be knowing; 
Yet there isn’t a train I wouldn’t take, 
    No matter where it’s going.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Update on the Sweet Old Man

Merlin sleeps under my bed on a soft cushion of old towels and pillow cases that are silky from age.
I am not sure but he might be finding this all too comfortable and thinking he is going to just stay like this ... napping, eating . sleeping .. eating and now and then putting up with Mama taking him out into the light and holding him, kissing him, telling him how much she loves him and kissing him some more.
If there is a Most Kissed Cat Contest ...... Merlin Wins !!

Minette and Honey check on him.
Honey slept under the bed next to him most of the morning .. such a sweet girl.

So we will all just keep thinking that Merlin is staying warm and snug and not being bothered by anyone or anything and everything is fine.
That is just about the only way I can stand to think about this ... Everything Is Fine.

Too many sad bad things have happened to me in the past year.months .. I need to hold on to Merlin and Minette and now Honey.
They are so much more important than other things and persons.
They bring love and comfort .. others don't. So who would you choose ? ! That's right, Merlin and Minette and Honey.

I told Merlin about the possibilities of a trip.
We will see if that gets him fired up ... or just awake.


                                        It might be about Time to Go Home ..

Maybe here 
                                  But don't They say, Home Is Where The Heart Is ?

Saturday, January 7, 2017




Layering scent

I had a successful Christmas present shopping For Me this year.
I was online doing some shopping for Others when I saw this .. I love "collections" .. eyeshadows or lipsticks or perfumes.
How cool that I found three of each !

Since the space under my Christmas tree was left pretty bare, I think I did an excellent job filling it.
Me and Sephora .. who sent me a little surprise Christmas gift also.

If you don't know about Sephora or never tried them .. go to one of their shops in a mall or online.

And don't blame me if you spend too much .. you will smell like a flower !!

And  you never have to worry about buying yourself a present that doesn't fit or smell good.
Win Win !!

Tuesday, January 3, 2017


 Minette has not left Merlins side since he went upstairs last night, under my bed and has been sleeping ever since.
He has not made a sound, I have to crawl under the bed and listen for his breathing.
I check on him often, lying on the floor, under the bed, listening ..hoping.
Minette hangs around, not bothering, but checking.
She must wonder why he isn't up and out on the lanai with her, where they spend their days, napping and cat chatting.
I am trying to keep busy, my heart is breaking.
I just want him to wake up and squint at me and ask for something to eat.
I want to hear that rusty rumbling purr and know he is fine ..
What would we do without Merlin ?



Merlin has an ear infection/both ears. So he got a shot of antibiotic, drops for mama to try to manage to get in his ears Twice a day !!
He got some new food that is good for his age and will help fatten him up a bit. He is huge but too lightweight.

I almost kissed the vet, I did my best not to ... and I didn't cry either ... I did my best not to.

Merlin and I were so happy to be home, he got his drops in his ears and some of the fancy shmancy fatten him up cat food and he is now sleeping it off in the living room on his dog bed.
*the one in the photo above*
Minette and Honey are relieved too. They both gave him a thorough sniffing and now they are relaxing out on the lanai where I plan to be in 5 minutes.

All Is Well 💕

Love Matters

On the third day of this new year, I have come to a few decisions and have quite a few ideas and for now, they will sit and brew and we will see how things look as the days, weeks go by.

For now, my concentration and hopes and care, all go to keeping Merlin , here, with me.
With us, Minette is worried too.

He is so old. But he is so dear .. I am really not ready for any more sad goodbyes.

He made me a little more cheerful this morning when I crawled under my bed where he lies on a bed made just for him, and I fed him, by hand, piece by piece .. he drank some water and was purring.
My heart just about broke .. from worry, fear, and hope .. my poor heart, how much more can it take ?

Sadly , there is nowhere, no one who can provide a shoulder to cry on, comfort of any sort ..
Sadly there is someone who added to my sadness by being an a**hole in an email, an immature, bitchy person .. guys can be bitchy too.

So I lay in bed at night and listen to the cats, purring, breathing and think, plot, plan and try to figure out the way the this New Year will be spent ... where it will be spent .. how it will be spent is pretty much all up to me.
No one else.
The Others can only make me more eager to leave or stay.

For now, it is all about Merlin.
He and Minette and Honey and I will figure things out and go on from there ...

I send Wishes for a Fabulous New Year to you all. . full of Love and Happiness and Good Health and someone to share it with.
Whether it is a 2 legged or 4 legged someone ... it is the Love that matters.
Merlin , my Love

Sweet Honey 

Minette my brave little warrior

Happy New Year to all ...

Sunday, January 1, 2017

A New Day

It's A New Day

Happy New Year , Happy New Day !!!

A New Year / Goodbye Old Year !

Happy New Year.
I hope it is a fun, healthy, good year.
Boy, a lot went on in my Old Year.
I am still coming to terms with so many things.
I have a new home. I miss my old home.
I have friends. New and Old ... some  old friends abandoned ship, they  were actually no loss, actually not real friends.
So I have some treasured friends that I appreciate more, thanks to the "loss" of a few    people .
I appreciate some people more than ever.
I am ashamed that I don't show it often enough.
I am saddened by the change in some people, gladdened by the sweetness and steadfastness of others.
Happily, there are more Good people than those others.

I am now the caregiver of 3 cats. Thank you Mom. Her last gift to me , was I thought, a sad burden.
One that I did not expect, want or even have the chance to reject.
The choice given me was something like take it or it will go to a shelter ..
So now I am mom to Minette, Merlin and Honey.
Honey is the biggest, heaviest cat I have ever seen, not to mention owned. She came that way.
I hope the running up and down stairs here, will help slim her down.
But then I notice, she cleans everyone's bowls at mealtimes. .
She has this little chirpy girl meow.

Merlin pays no attention .. just feed him, kiss him and let him have the best part of the bed.
In exchange for that, you can kiss him, hold him and love him to your hearts content.
And some people with broken hearts Really appreciate that .. more than words can tell.

Minette is still my little warrior girl. She has no idea how small and delicate she is, she thinks she is a lioness. I need to try to copy her attitude more.

Together we are muddling along, in this very nice home, which is not really ours so we are contemplating new homes, different sorts of homes, in Other Places.

In a way it is very sad, not having my Own place ..but in another, it is nice to know I can pack up and go somewhere else, if I am not happy, for whatever reason.

I can be selfish now. I raised 2 children with the help of my husband and now I am alone, I only have to really consider myself.
They have their own lives and children to worry about. I have to try harder not to be one of their worries.

And I hope some people  try harder to show me respect and mind their own business ..
I totally owe a huge Thank you to my daughter who made just about everything possible when I arrived here and she still does so much for me. She is a daughter to be proud of ..

It has been a rough beginning for me, I am sure things will be smoothing out.
I know what to do and how to do it .. learned from the sad lessons of a life thrust upon me when I least expected it.

Now on to Fun things. Fun places. Fun people.
There I am ... standing there with the pile of suitcases .. and 3 cat carriers. Waiting to get on the .....

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