It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Friday, August 28, 2015

A View

Looking out the French doors in the living room in our apartment in Buenos Aires.
Tate liked stepping out and looking down at the street, the people across the street .
My husband was so happy when we moved and settled in and across the street was an ice cream shop. He was a total ice cream lover. The ice cream in Buenos Aires was excellent. I know because we tested it just about every day. Some were better than others but I don't remember ever having any that was bad.
That view fulfilled my wishes for living in Paris. as far as the look of things.
I am very homesick for Buenos Aires and I am comforted by the fact that by living in Florida, my trip to visit BA will be less expensive or at least not as long ..
Soon we will start talking about decorating a condo in Florida .
One that is located on a Nature Preserve. 
Birds, lots of birds.
My cats will thank me every day for moving South.
I am working on sticking to all the positives and not thinking about the negatives.
There will be Happiness again .. 

Thursday, August 27, 2015

A Bedtime Story

This will give you something to read before you go to sleep.

I was watching Suits. The show was over. It was quiet. I was lying on the sofa petting a big hairy cat. Then I heard it.

2 gunshots.
At night.
Where I live.

I jumped up and turned on the lights to be sure someone knew there was a house here and ran for the phone and called the police.

There is a farm just up the street, with a lot of nice animals.
There are old people around me and families and who the Hell is shooting a gun at night here ???

The police woman ( a mere girl but about 6ft tall) came to the door.
She was super nice and curious also about who would be shooting at night.

Then another car came, they both went patrolling.

I don't think this is fun.
I don't want to be alone in a house with 2 cats with someone shooting a gun/rifle outside ...

Time to move.
I don't want to move.
I have to move.
Better move.

The cats and I are off to bed.
I will tell them the story of the Cat that went to Argentina and learned to Tango.
He was a very handsome cat and all the kitties loved him and wanted him to dance with them.
But he only had eyes for one kitty.
A Southern kitty.
She knew he liked her but she pretended not to notice.
Then he asked her to dance.
They fell in love. Dancing together through the years, having 2 little kitties of their own.
Then one day, he died.
And the poor little girl kitty was lost and forlorn and so very sad.
So she decided to leave home and go to  dance in a new place.

to be continued ~

Thank you !

I am going to be super busy in the next months with packing, moving, unpacking etc.
The odds are there will be little time to post and probably nothing that interesting.
Thanks to the poster who commented to me that I was a "trainwreck" ... I guess I am
wearing out my drama.

So thank you to all of you who have been so kind and concerned and full of helpful and friendly advice, those who know me and those who don't.
Thank you for some really good ideas and for just being there.

I guess you will hear from me, when I am settled and can blog again ..

Thank you .. thank you ... thank you !

Sunday, August 23, 2015

" People are not rain or snow or autumn leaves ;
they do not look beautiful when they fall "

Saturday, August 22, 2015

He Was A Good Boy

Sitting at our favorite cafe on Ave Libertador in Buenos Aires. Waiting for his bowl of water.
He was quite the Cafe boy ...

Friday, August 21, 2015


But not actually closed. I didn't realize I had one more to go.
But anyway ... the end is in sight and the New Beginning is too.
Now I have to find a new home.
Thoughts on Florida. Buenos Aires. Probably not up here.
Wish me luck.
The kitties want to go where there is sunshine . And no dogs. And lots of birds.
I can work on 2 of those wishes.

Here I go !! ( scared to death :)

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Road Trip Ahead ..

To avoid more conflict and anxiety, I went to the attorney's office today and had a long visit.
I will sell the house, in his office, on the phone.
I don't have to sit in the same room with them or even talk to them. he is on my side.
I decided while talking to him that it is all just not worth it. I screwed up and I don't want  to pay or worry or suffer for it any more than I already have .
So I will be at the closing in the office of my attorney and they will be on the phone wherever they are.
My husband and I bought a house on the phone once .. it was pretty fun .. or it could have just been the man I was with who made it fun. He made everything fun.

I can't deal with conflict and things that make me think I will be punished or lose more money.
I am too insecure and afraid of everything as it is.

It was not the closing by the way, that I walked out of . It was a meeting about the contract etc.
I thought it was the closing and he told me it was not today.
If I canceled the sale, I would have had problems.

So this is the last conversation about this .. I am moving on .. it will be settled and I will find a new home .
A road trip to Florida with 2 cats in the car.
This will make a good book.

Minette and Merlin Take a Trip

My Little Girl

No, there is no one else in the family with her eyes.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Not For Sale

I am no longer selling my house.
I am no longer looking at real estate.
I am no longer telling the kitties about adventures to come.

I am staying here .. Home ..

The realtor is quite angry.
The people who wanted to buy are angry.
The attorney will let me know if there will be revenge.
I need a little extra anxiety .

I am happy with my decision.
If winters are unbearable, I will pack up the cats and maybe spend a few months in Argentina.
or Florida.

So back to trying to relax and get rid of this anxiety over threats to sue and see if I can get back to a life of calm and gardens and cats and birds and chipmunks .. not to mention the little family coming on weekends.

I am going to see about a swing .. hanging from a tree branch . Sounds fun !
Maybe one that is made just for a small , very small person .. the cats will be so jealous !

Deep breaths, don't be anxious ..

You know what is next, don't you ?

Monday, August 17, 2015

Dinner !

Tonights dinner ... thank you Closet Cooking !

Caprese Stuffed Avocado

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Fukuchan and MariMo

I am trying to make a huge decision with no help and knowing that there will be opposition.
So I can't think of anything to blog about .. so here .. enjoy this.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Fingers Crossed

I never thought selling this house would be so hard .... on me ... emotionally.
I realized, lying in bed at night, that when I move, I will get into the same bed, in a different room, where there are no memories of getting into that bed in that room with someone I loved.
Someone who loved me. Oh sure, I have cats littered all over the bed but it isn't the same.
I will feel my loss all over again.
As I still do at the oddest times , at the most mundane times... it is as if something is waiting around the corner and I walk right into it ... that pain is as fresh as the day everything changed. I hear the same sounds, voices, feel that same smothering panic feeling that I have to remember to breathe.
And then that stillness.

I try not to dwell on those moments and while I remember him every day and have a gazillion memories to do me for the rest of my life, sometimes one of those memories comes sneaking up behind me and just smashes into me and I am flattened.

Today was hard. I had to do things he always did and he did it like breathing.
I do it like a dog learning to type.
He had such great sense .. of everything. He just Knew.

I don't.

Thankfully, I have a realtor who is patient beyond belief and she will walk me through the steps that need to be taken, calls and allows me to weep if I want or we just laugh and chat like old friends.

I barely know what I am doing, I rely on her quite a lot and I pray that everything will go according to plan .
I want to have a fire in the fireplace and bake apple pies and plan gardens and decide where to hang pictures and which room will have what rug and where should I put everything ? ..
This will be my first home ... alone.

The cats will be enchanted. There is that glassed/screened-in porch with a heater and carpet and a soft sofa will be out there ( maybe) and we will all be cozy.

Most moves I plan decorating.
This one, the garden is foremost in my mind.
I drive by a house up here that has a "forest" of sunflowers and giant daisies and it is so cheerful looking.
I plan on filling big barrels with flowers and pots by the steps and along the side of the house.
Morning glories will be planted ( the ones I planted here are laughing and screaming .... blue, so blue)
But until that time comes, I daydream a lot, tell the cats about it ... Merlin fell asleep in the middle of the part about the kitchen needing a dishwasher ... Minette is better at pretending to care.
But even she had trouble controlling her yawns.

Fingers crossed ! I am not sure what I will do with myself if this doesn't go through .. Probably Florida.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Blue Mondays

Are Mondays Blue ? you know .. sad ?
I know some people are sad to go back to work but after a fun weekend off, I guess it is always sad for the fun to end for now.

I am having a Blue Monday.
My weekend was not great, not bad but no company and nothing much to do .
I messed around in the garden and played with the cats and enjoyed crystal clear skies and cool breezes .. It is really very beautiful here.

Yesterday I knew I was having house shoppers coming.
It was on two calendars .
But I got busy messing around with other things and suddenly someone was at the door ! omigod !!
The girl from the realtors was very nice, took the people on the garden tour first then into the house.
The house is always viewer ready , I just needed to put papers away and lock up the mad kitties.
Mad as in insane.
Yes... we will be a Mad Woman and Her Two Mad Cats pretty soon.

Maybe someone will write a play about us .
It will no doubt win a Tony Award.
No one will believe it is not Fiction .. no person ever had to cope like that  poor woman in the play .. No wonder she can't remember anything !
Who wants to remember the things she has been through lately ?!
She remembers her children , her cats and her address so she is actually doing fine.

She would like to forget her realtors attitude though.
That woman has suddenly let her smiling real estate lady mask slip. The short bordering on rude questions and the quick to point out mistakes attitude ... not nice. Not smart. Not when I can just decide to take the house off the market. Say goodbye. Go Be Mean To Someone Else.
See if they pay you for it.

So here I sit.
All dressed up and no place to go.
Actually, I do have to buy something for the cats.
As usual.
If I can't go shopping for me, at least I can shop for them. They appreciate the thought.

Merlin slept on my bed all night. As each hour went by, he got heavier.
I would love to know how he does that.

Minette the impatient got all fussed because He was on Her bed so she flounced off the bed and sulked a while.
When no one came to get her, she skulked in and slipped onto the bed, right next to Mama.
Where she slept all night.
No wonder I slept so deeply. My purring babies did it.

I go back and forth with what to do about moving.
Stay here and buy an Arts & Crafts style house that is just big enough for one woman and 2 cats, maybe a dog too.
Or move to the West Coast of Florida and start a new life there ... with 2 cats and maybe a dog too.

It has to be appealing enough for me to leave my son and his little family behind and to leave NY State behind. I  love NY State ... I keep telling myself it would be insane to go back to Buenos Aires... but ..... I know people who spend winter down there ... which is their summer.
I have to talk to the cats about it ... we will have a vote.

Did I mention I cut my own hair ?
Should I say that it looks fantastic ?
No, I won't say that, it will sound like bragging ... that I can cut my own hair so well...

So how was your weekend ... my Comment section awaits ...

Here is a nice photo of my old neighborhood, and front door. You will see ...

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Tango Isn't Just For Old People

Back then

Tate (Pup) was quite a Dog About Town , wherever we lived but he was treated royally in Buenos Aires. They / most of the people there, had never even seen a full size Standard Poodle and being as outgoing and friendly as they were, we were constantly stopped by people asking what he was, then kissing him.
That dog got more kisses  !! Kind of made a person say, Wait ... what about me !

He was always the best of dogs, he was well trained and well behaved but his personality was what won him friends wherever he went.
He was sweet. Just as sweet as he could be.
He was amazing looking, his hair was much darker when he was younger, a rich dark brown. With big amber eyes. And being a smart dog, he was easy to train so he was so sweet when we would stop to talk to someone in the street, he would sit. If they reached out to say hello, he would offer them a paw. He allowed countless women to kiss him. He loved other dogs, especially small ones and it was quite the sight to see this very large dog bouncing around , tail up, head down, with a little terrier or mini poodle.. but when the big dogs came along, we had to be careful.
You see, they rarely neuter their male dogs in BA . Pup was neutered.
An un-nuetered dog will sniff the neutered dog and not be able to figure it out- male ? female? Might as well try to mount it and find out .
So we / he was always dodging the big boys looking for some exotic fun.

Because he was so sweet and well behaved, we were allowed to take him into most outdoor cafes and into a lot of shops.
I remember a shoe shop lady letting him in and he promptly lay down on the floor by the chair where I tried on shoes and went to sleep.
Oh ... Mom is trying on shoes ... ho hum ... zzzzzz.

The Portenoes being the way they were, he was petted and kissed every day.
In cafes, the waiters would always bring him a big bowl of water.

These are part of the days of our lives in Buenos Aires ... the usual part .. the daily life ..
It is sometimes almost more than I can bear for everything to have changed so much so quickly.

I want to go back there. But would it be the same ?
My house is for sale.
I have found the house I want to buy.
I play with the idea of flying to Buenos Aires for a holiday when this house sells.
After moving in to the new house ... just a week ... or two ... the cats won't like it but I have such a longing to go back to BA ..

More people are looking at the house again.
One seems more interested than others.
The weather is perfect every day.
The cats are good ... they sleep in my bed every night.
Sometimes I wake up in the night and instead of the other pillow next to my head, there is something large and hairy.
Sometimes the small and hairy one wakes up too early and wants to wash my eyebrows.
We all get up early and enjoy the gardens in the morning light with so many birds and chipmunks.

The house I hope to buy has a mountain with a forest behind it.
I wonder what will be seen in the morning light there !

Enjoy your Sunday ~

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Life in Buenos Aires .... as we knew it.

Walk  down memory lane with me. I am homesick.
My husband and I walked everywhere in Buenos Aires. We took the dog everywhere with us and we walked everywhere , exploring and learning the city and our neighborhood .. we were like a blind mans fingers ... we had to feel our way everywhere to learn it.
We took Tate for a  morning walk and that walk would end up with us stopping for lunch at an outdoor cafe somewhere ... wandering back home after, stopping for something in a shop or fruteria, ending up tired and happy back home.
We all slept very well, always.

I always carried my camera.
I knew there would come a day when I would want to see That day ... little did I know how great my losses would be and how much those photos mean now.

So here we go ... a usual day, wandering, stopping and looking, taking a break, cafe stop, pick up something for dinner, rest on a bench in the park .. say hello to Pup's friends the mounted policemens horses .. the walk from the park to our door was only 2 blocks .. but it took forever because all the doormen would come out and say Buenos Tardes, and have to give Pup a pet and sometimes a kiss.
He was happy, so were we.

We would walk up the hill ( 2 blocks) to the British Embassy and the parks that stretched out below .
This was called La Isla ... the island.
Going home we would pass Recoleta Cemetery
Home by the time the sun would begin to set, tired and content to be home again.
To be continued .......

A Mothers Love

When a mother dog is rescued with her puppies

Thank you to Merle for sending this video.
Thank you to the kind men and women Everywhere who rescue dogs and cats and all animals.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Angels come in all forms

This is in an animal shelter .
This lady volunteers.
She brings childrens books and sits and reads to the dogs.
Obviously, she is a favorite among the dogs.
This breaks my heart. She is an angel.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

First I will get the dog .....

First I will get the dog .. then the little birds ... the dog will keep an eye out on the cats too.
I should be quite set for entertainment .

I Did Not Panic.

I decided today that it would be a good day to drive to that big beautiful mall in Albany where there are too many good shops and I can say hello to my old friends Pottery Barn and DSW, not to mention J Crew, Gap and everything else !

I was so excited, I dressed in things that are easy to take off in a dressing room in a speedy fashion.
Shoes that just slip off in order to try more on quickly.

The kitties were well fed, watered and pillowed.. The fan was left on in case it got too warm even for pussycats.

I googled the directions and wrote them down and off I went.

I just got home.
I never made it to the mall.
I don't know if I was ever that close to the mall.
I did see signs for Canada.

I started with a full tank of gas ... it is no longer full.

I finally found a way to turn around and go back .. except the way back had me on the wrong side of the Hudson River .. so I had to go across the scary bridge.
They are all scary to me but this one wins a prize for Scary.
I did not panic.

Then I got off at the wrong exit and ended up north of Hudson NY and driving on a side road.

Which took me past fabulous homes with views of the Hudson and little lighthouses on little islands on the River and finally Hudson NY .. where I got lost because of all their one ways streets ...
Keeping the idea in mind that the cats had food and water in various rooms in the house and it was hours til dark.
I did not panic.

I ended up in the wrong neighborhood in Hudson and sped up.
I found myself on a familiar road ... I sped up .
by the time I found my street, I was flying !

Subaru cars go fast.

I am home.
The cats grumbled about being bored, where was I , I said I would be right back, where was I , why did I leave them .... talk about whine with dinner !

They are all disgruntled and turning their backs on me at the moment.

Tomorrow they will be ok ... tonight actually, they will be nice so I will let them sleep on the bed with me.
Tomorrow I am going to shop online.

What is your favorite online shopping site ?
Sephora will be delivering to me this week ...
What else ... tell me your best shopping places ...

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Cecil the Lion and his brother

That dentist , the one who murdered Cecil ... he will be in trouble and it will cost him money but I doubt he will go to jail and I doubt that his life will change that much.
Oh well, yes, maybe he won't kill many endangered creatures, or maybe he will.
Seems he has plenty of money to spend on killing things.
If he had been my dentist, I would have been furious, that the money he was paid for being my dentist was spent on a safari to Kill a Lion !!
How crappy do you think this guys patients feel now ?
I wonder how small his practice just became ?
I hope he has no patients at all now.
No work, no money, no trips to kill animals. We can only hope.
I hear Zimbabwe wants the US to extradite him .. that would be poetic justice, no ?
This is Cecil with a lioness.

They say the reason why he was so popular was because he was so regal and and powerful, he was accustomed to humans, all those sightseers. He was relaxed around the people taking his photo.
He might not have been that worried when he saw two humans, carrying rifles .. this is just so sickening and tragic ..
People are used to things breaking or dying and going out and Getting Another One.
You can't always do that.
You can't go get another Cecil.
He is gone.
Wastefully, sadly, even tragically gone.
There is no other Cecil.
Imagine a world where there are no more other things .. because blatantly stupid , unfeeling, selfish, humans go out and kill them for fun.

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sunset in Buenos Aires