It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year

                Wishing you all a very Happy New Year ! 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Boonies

So, here I am.
Lived in San Francisco ... lived in Hollywood California .. lived in New York City ..lived in Florida, Oregon,  lived in Buenos Aires Argentina ... and now I am alone in a house out in the boonies.

I bet you can't guess which one of those locations I would rather be in, at this moment.

My neighbor .. the one that makes up for any bad neighbor I may have ever had, anywhere, at any time in my life .. called to check on me. She does that .. I am not alone.. she makes sure of that.

She informed me, after hearing my gushing over the tiny visitor I had this past week ..that we might get temps of below 0 tonight. Yes, that is a ZERO.

And then she said something about ice storms, toilets not flushing, no power ... which means no heat ... and then she said , when I started to stammer and get that whiney sound in my voice .. that I will come to her house. I didn't even ask if I should bring a jug of water or candles or what ... I was just so thankful that the lady next door will take me in during a power outage so they won't find my body sometime in early June, thawing out .. half way to the door.

This would all be funny if my husband were here.
He would make it a Grand Adventure.
He would be sure to snuggle close and I would not freeze in that big bed.
He would make sure that we were safe and sound .

But here I am .. alone and slightly more pathetic than usual and I knew I should have held out for the house with a fireplace and gas heat !!!
If my husband were here, I would Tell Him So !

Although, on second thought... I wouldn't tell him so .... I would be too busy snuggling up and getting warm. . and planning on where we were moving to next ... and probably not to the Boonies.
Even if they are beautiful and the deer like me.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Be Happy

If someone were to ask what made you happy, what made your loved one happy, what would you say ?
I can't tell it all but I can show you through photos what made him and therefore us, happy
I am taking a break for the holidays and for myself.
I wish everyone who reads this blog, 
Very Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.
I will see you in 2014 ... 
how weird does that sound ! 

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Person He Thought I Was

Two months.
It seems like Two years .
Then I think that it will be Ten and then Twenty and so on and he won't be back.
If it were not the knowing that people endure this everywhere, every day ,  always ... I would just lie down and not get up. 
But they did it. They got up. They ate and worked and talked and lived.
My husband loved me. 
He always thought of me and what made me happy. 
He did his best, all the years we were married, to make me happy. To show his love for me . 
I will honor him and show my love by not turning into some wimp that he would not have liked, some crybaby that would have made him cringe, some weak person that he never would have been interested in. 
He used to say he admired me, he thought I was smart, he loved me. 
I will remember that.
I will remember everything and I will be the person he thought I was . 
I loved him.
I won't let him down. 
But I sure do miss him.


Thursday, December 19, 2013

That's us !

On my first trip to London, England, my husband and I enjoyed antique shopping in all the antique malls and small charming shops all over the city.
We were wandering in one such mall, full of stands selling (the family) silver, china, old clothing, mirrors and treasures among the junk, when we came across this.

We immediately said "that's us " !! and bought it .

It has gone with us from home to home, state to state, continent to continent ! and now it is here.
But he is not.

But I look at it and remember that day and how he named it, Us ... and while my heart is broken, it still makes me smile.

Today is his Birthday .. Happy Birthday , my love...

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Best Intentions

It took forever to fall asleep last night, tossing, turning and trying Not to think about certain things.
So of course, that was all I could think about.

But eventually exhaustion took over and I slept .. waking to more snow. Not remembering the dreams I had and blessed with the tiniest bit of energy.
Knowing that I have today and tomorrow to get all my Christmas shopping done , did help energize me.
Knowing company is coming and there is nothing to eat in the house, also helped ... I mean how to be the worst hostess ? have empty cupboards.
But lots of tea .

So I am all set to walk out the door, lists in hand, pocket and everywhere else and as I was opening the door ! yes, just putting my hand on the door knob, I remembered !!!
I am expecting a delivery.

A present for me and one for someone else. Someone who will then have to wait until I send it to them !!
It should have been here by now, they are making me look like Scrooge if I can't get it mailed out fast.

So here I sit.

Once the UPS man shows up at my door, I get to slide out of the driveway that I thought the Angel next door blew   clear this morning, but when I took a closer look , Someone plowed my driveway ! I don't know who ! angels .. with snow plows. . how wonderful is that ?
So as soon as Mr UPS shows up, I will carefully fly to the nearest shops and groceries and get home before dark.

Why get home before dark ?

Because ... I am now a Wimp.
I lost that ingredient in my life that made me brave.
I was Fearless.
Now I am not.
So I have to be home before dark.

But hopefully loaded down like Mama Santa.

Or at least those are my intentions.

I hope your day is full of Good Things.

 photo : this is glamorous

Monday, December 16, 2013

The To Do List

I bought a Christmas present today ! Yay !

I remembered my grocery list ! Way to go !

I did everything on my To Do List ... Brilliant !!

Now I am home, with a new mailbox sitting in the kitchen, waiting for a man to magically appear and put it on the post after removing the broken one .. no ...
I don't even want to learn how, thenk yew veddy much.
It is enough I found it and bought it.
In a hardware store that has employees who need to learn a bit of Customer Service skills.
You know, like don't look at the customer like they are speaking Martian when they make a joke about the Plow driver should pay for the mailbox ...
like, don't walk away from the customer while she is still speaking to you ... and while we are at it .... don't use that pitch black hair dye on your mustache anymore, it is bad enough on your hair..

So I bought scented votive candles and spent a nice time putting them all over the house then trying to get them lit with the new lighter that requires two hands.
Yes, child proof.
Me proof.

After that, I was so exhausted I had a big cup of Constant Comment tea and admired the candles and figured out more gifts to buy .... tomorrow maybe.

One gift is already on its way, thanks to  3 day Delivery !!

I realized that I have been eating couscous every day for dinner.
So I bought some macaroni .
I know ... no vitamins . I probably have no iron left in my blood. . so I figured since I am eating carbs all the time, I would have some frozen veggies .. with my macaroni.

It is no fun cooking for one.
I am not in Argentina where I would be spoiled for choice with who would deliver to my door . I could order from Quiero Mas and have spicy hot pasta with picante sauce.
Or the pizza place that makes The Best Empanadas in the world ... yes, really, the World !

Did I mention we are buried in snow ?
I mean, ...really, buried.
I am pouring seeds out for the birds, they all love me.. there are deer prints in the snow each morning and something else and it is not human and I won't think anymore about it.

So .. have a good evening . .
Tomorrow is going to be very exciting.

If it doesn't snow anymore, I am driving to Great Barrington.
I will leave crumbs behind me as I go .. If I don't post tomorrow, come find me !
Maybe I should take chocolate with me ... in the spring they will find me .. in the car, chocolate all over my face .. a little cold but the sugar kept me going.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Country Life

So, let's talk about living out in the country .. where the air is fresh, the outdoor noises are generally nature, birds, wind, an occasional Highland cow  up the hill will call out to the girls ..

It is beautiful, peaceful and while I am bored out of my mind, it is soothing .. when it isn't lonely  and scary.

Summer was great, my husband found his inner farmer, he was out there mowing and raking and digging, Autumn made him happy, it was cooler, more comfortable to mow and rake and dig.
When he wasn't mowing, raking and digging, we were going to malls, that are miles away.
A drive on a major highway away.

Now I am alone. In a place that was only good for two of us.
I am lousy at mowing ( haven't done it yet ) raking ( I get tired fast) and digging ( not gonna happen).

So now, we ... sorry, I am here in the Winter. My first Winter in the frozen North .
OK ... you tell me the difference in this photo and somewhere in the Rockies, Alaska or Switzerland !

It would be fine if there was someone to snuggle under (every single one of ) the blankets,  appreciate that it is pitch black out and no street lights or noisy city sounds are coming in our windows.
No ... it is dead silent.
Sometimes I am glad to hear the furnace kick on or the heaters making that ticking noise as they warm up, otherwise, I might think I am deaf.

There is talk of more snow.
There is talk of babies coming to visit and staying for an extended time.
There is talk of Me looking at the real estate section in the New York Times.

Ahhhh... life in the country ... grand, no ?

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I Want to Go Back

I want to go back.
In Time .
To Buenos Aires.

Go back to Summer, so I don't have to sit here and watch the driveway fill up with snow again .
Go back to warm weather so I don't have to wear multiple pieces of clothing under a down coat with boots and socks just to go to the market.

Go back to music and sunshine and good memories.

I have to convince the children that they have to go back with me.
It might take some doing.
Or maybe not.

Friday, December 13, 2013

I know it is not October anymore ... but

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow,
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost—
For the grapes' sake along the wall.

-Robert Frost

This is too beautiful not to share, October or December

Friday Photo

On a very cold Winter morning  in New York State.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Dear Person in Charge of These Things

I would appreciate it very much if you would send me back to this Time.
This Day.
This Place.
Thank you .. oh, and I would like it if my companions were there with me too. Gracias !

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Snow Day !

Todays world.
Cold and beautiful.
I had all sorts of plans to shop and bake and be busy ..
Now I am doing the laundry and watching the snow fall.

I was cheered to see the man with the truck with the plow go by. It helped that slight case of claustrophobia I get when I think I am trapped, that I cannot get out .. my husband used to fix that by telling me all the things I could do and we would do and how he would take care of everything.

I think Chocolate Chip Cookies are in my future. And maybe soup.
Or I will curl up with a book and music and end up taking a nap.
It is a Snow Day. I am allowed.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Sunday, December 8, 2013



This is one of my favorite bands from Argentina.
Sure I like Tango music, but this band carries so many great memories for me.

We were in Recoleta on a summer night , walking through the park. It was one of those nights where it seemed like all the stars were closer, the moon was very bright, everyone was out and sitting on benches and in cafes and walking .. children and adults.

We heard them playing and walked over by the Cemetery Wall to see, Pup was fascinated and seemed to really like the sound. So he got as close as he could and then lay down to listen.
The people standing around watching and listening, all had a quiet chuckle, seeing the big brown Standard Poodle, enjoying the music.

That night stands out in my memory, it was so beautiful, the music and my dearly loved husband and dog were with me, enjoying being together in that beautiful place.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do .. every time I listen to it.
(Yes, Pup bought a CD and put money in the hat )

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Maybe ..... Someday ....

I am waiting for visitors to show up ... driving over the hills and through the dales, over the river and through the woods, to my house.

This is my weekly treat.
I do not take it for granted and I understand if it is too much for everyone to do every single weekend but I thank god they do it and I am so glad that I am not facing a weekend of empty silence and lonely cooking ( if you can call boiling water for couscous - cooking) and watching movies on the computer.

With no one sitting beside me to laugh at my critiques, with no one to make me laugh at his comments. Or snuggle me  ... you know how it is .. you start out watching tv , sitting side by side and about halfway through the movie, someones head is on someones shoulder and someones arm is around the other and that is the way it goes.

I have to get a kitten or a puppy.
I think I might start with the kitten.
They can be left at home longer.
I am still afraid of the dark here, I don't know if a puppy would just make that worse, how can I walk it at night ?

I should go visit someone in Florida.

I should visit our friends in London.

I should drop in on a friend somewhere ....



Thursday, December 5, 2013

Rural Intelligence

Hudson , New York

This is a great e-magazine I guess you could call it ? Rural Intelligence .. that says it all.

I had to go there just yesterday, of course, the office was closed when I got there, which meant that while I was freezing walking along the street, I did do a bit of window licking. ( window shopping)..

I love the antique stores and believe me, there must not be a town in the world or at least in America that has this many antique stores and art galleries one after another, side by side, up and down the street.
If there is a place, it would be San Telmo, in Buenos Aires.

My husband and I did a lot of shopping in San Telmo.
It was great and even if you aren't shopping to buy , it is a pleasure to wander the old buildings full of old Stuff and then go have lunch somewhere.

We would wander down a cobblestone street, passing high walls where you can hear fountains and birds and past bicycle rentals with dozens of bright orange bikes waiting.. to a cafe on the corner where you can sit by the window and continue to people watch and gaze out as if you have been set back in time a bit and there are no cars and no worries. ( well there are cars but it is quiet there..which is really saying something for Buenos Aires ! )...

On a rainy dreary day like today, in New York, looking out at an empty street, writing from an empty house ( well, just me...) I long to be back in warm sunny Buenos Aires where friends will spend the afternoon with me sipping coffee and munching on fresh medialunas and making plans ...

Now ... my plans are where to find curtains for the kitchen windows.
Hoping that my children can  be here for the holidays.
Wondering if a puppy is a good idea or just get a kitten for now.
Kittens don't bark if someone/something comes into the yard though ..
But they don't require walks in the early morning or late night in freezing cold weather either.

Decisions, why ? why ?

So go look at the online magazine and enjoy .. it really is quite beautiful here ...

                                               Hudson New York : Rural Intelligence

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


Every day is a test. To see if I can make it through the day without breaking down in tears, without having a panic attack and without just sitting here like a lump all day.

And now Christmas is on its way.

I was so excited about being here for the holidays, possibilities of snow, a White Christmas after all those hot sunny Buenos Aires Christmas Days .. decorating like a fiend with a big tree and lights and wreaths .. a real New England Christmas.
Complete with children visiting and a wee baby to spoil.
Oh the toys that baby will get !
Oh the loving and holding and kissing that baby will get.
But as nice and happy and loving as it all is, there is this Missing. This empty spot, this hole in my life.

So I bought a tiny tree and I will wrap it in lights and ribbons and put it in the window.
We will probably get a really big tree,   but this one was just so cute .. it reminds me of the book I read as a child .. The Littlest Christmas Tree.

So I will go forth tomorrow with Holiday cheer dragged in from somewhere and I will look in shop windows and I will plan feasts and baked goodies .. and I might even hum a Christmas tune.

Monday, December 2, 2013

In the neighborhood

I guess you could assume that I live among the cows and sheep. They do live up the hill, but there are so many more wonderful places where other creatures live and I am going to visit them soon. 
The Hancock Quaker Village is about half an hour from me. I can see the Round House, where they meet for prayer. I can see the amazing furniture that they still make, the same way they have always made it.
I can see the quilts that might cost a pretty penny but look at them ! they are priceless. Made by hand, the same way they have always made them. Works of art, really.
They raise their own animals, they shear the sheep for wool and for our enjoyment too, I think.
and there are artists who record it all in paintings for their museum.
I am headed over there this week. When I am sure there is no ice on the road, going there is a bit of a little mountain climb from my house. While I am  getting used to doing things alone and on my own, getting stuck in snow or ice in mountains is not on my list of Things To Do.

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And Don't Forget To Visit Me Here Too !

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sunset in Buenos Aires