It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Country Life

So, let's talk about living out in the country .. where the air is fresh, the outdoor noises are generally nature, birds, wind, an occasional Highland cow  up the hill will call out to the girls ..

It is beautiful, peaceful and while I am bored out of my mind, it is soothing .. when it isn't lonely  and scary.

Summer was great, my husband found his inner farmer, he was out there mowing and raking and digging, Autumn made him happy, it was cooler, more comfortable to mow and rake and dig.
When he wasn't mowing, raking and digging, we were going to malls, that are miles away.
A drive on a major highway away.

Now I am alone. In a place that was only good for two of us.
I am lousy at mowing ( haven't done it yet ) raking ( I get tired fast) and digging ( not gonna happen).

So now, we ... sorry, I am here in the Winter. My first Winter in the frozen North .
OK ... you tell me the difference in this photo and somewhere in the Rockies, Alaska or Switzerland !

It would be fine if there was someone to snuggle under (every single one of ) the blankets,  appreciate that it is pitch black out and no street lights or noisy city sounds are coming in our windows.
No ... it is dead silent.
Sometimes I am glad to hear the furnace kick on or the heaters making that ticking noise as they warm up, otherwise, I might think I am deaf.

There is talk of more snow.
There is talk of babies coming to visit and staying for an extended time.
There is talk of Me looking at the real estate section in the New York Times.

Ahhhh... life in the country ... grand, no ?


  1. I can see you back in a city. With people around you and a daily buzz of activity to sooth your loneliness. Yo should look at Montclair. Close (15 mins) with good bus service to Manhatten and the charm of an English vibrant market town with art galleries, markets and lots going on. Safe and lovely town.

  2. Gail, in northern CaliforniaDecember 15, 2013 at 12:41 PM

    So familiar. The silence.

    There was a time when I found the constant almost-mindless chatter of the television an irritant. Now, I turn on the television just to hear other voices. I'm not even watching it!

    Answers. I have to do something to change this awful way of life....where are the answers? People keep telling me I will eventually find my way. How can that be when I'm alone in the middle of a room crowded with people?

    I had no idea it would be this way.

    Please keep posting. The way you express what you're going through is a tremendous help. If nothing else, to realize I'm not going crazy is a comfort.

  3. Raz, I don't know if I want to be back in a city but a small town might be nice. Just not out in the middle of nowhere .. it is only good if you are with a partner or family to be so isolated.

    Gail, honey, I would give you a hug and we would drink tea and cry together if we could.
    I don't know what any answers are , we will muddle through it all together.

    Personally, I stay out of rooms with other people, I am staying to myself, I go to a cafe once in a while for coffee just to be out in the world but I am not socializing with anyone .

    I am gifted with wonderful neighbors and my children. I think I will get a kitten or a puppy for the sound/look of another living creature in my silent world .. but there are few people that I want to be around these days so being alone in my sadness is ok.

    We will muddle through .. someone said you don't die of sadness. Surely if that were possible, I would have .

  4. I'm so sorry Candice. Maybe, when you're ready, a small apartment in NYC?

  5. Candles have recently been lit for you and prayers said in some truly beautiful places of worship (more than I can count) during a journey abroad. I hug you with my heart as I just now type 'abroad' because since your Blog, it is you I think of when I hear the word and not the 'other' meaning. Would you like to visit a small Tudor with a warm guest room in Minneapolis while you decide on things??? Our home is very peaceful, you wouldn't have to talk at all, and absolutely to raking or digging involved. ;) Many hugs, you are in my daily thoughts. With much love, Colette

  6. Colette, you make me weep with gratitude at such a beautiful invitation and that someone would be so kind. Thank you.
    I have just this week to get through and at the end of it, a tiny boy with a beautiful smile will arrive with his beautiful mama and his beautiful daddy... they will cheer me, love me and keep me company until after Christmas ..
    bises ..

    Mary, a small apartment in NY is an idea that has been floating around in my head for a week or so .. we will see. besos ..

  7. I can feel the pain in your heart over all these miles away.
    I remember reading about the great joy you felt at returning to your homeland.
    I can understand how you would wish to turn time back.
    I do sincerely hope that with the love of your family and your new grandchild you will find the right pathway through your difficulties.


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