I lost my Mom recently.
That laughing girl who danced to radio songs, instead of doing the ironing.
That clever girl who took me to the movies during the week instead of doing "chores"..
That loving grandmother who had photos of her grandchildren on every surface in her home.
She and I didn't get along a lot of times but in the early days, it was just Mom and I.
We / she, managed to find a nice life for us .. in a nice place .. I had a good childhood, no hint that everyone else was not as happy as I was.
When I left home to be an adult, she and my step dad divorced.
She worked full time for the first time in her life.
She was very good at it.
She moved to Florida from the NorthEast and made a life down here. She had friends and family who loved her, nearby and far away.
And then her heart, that poor tired heart that had suffered through childhood fevers and been damaged, just didn't want to work anymore.
I am glad I saw her while she was alive. I am so glad that she recognized me and said my name.
I am so sad that she is gone.
She would have loved where I am living.
She would have been able to stay here with me.
She would have loved my cats.
They would have adored her.
All those scenarios that ran through my head as I was driving South from NY .. mom and I shopping, mom with Minette and Merlin , mom and I just talking , mom giving me a hug and a kiss.
None of them happened. We were cheated out of that time.
I am sad all the time.
I love my daughter to bits and my grandson. They keep things cheerful and bring laughs.
But there is always that empty spot there where I thought Mom would be.
To top this off ... 2 friends for reasons of their own, decided to disown me ... online friends so I guess they thought of me as disposable.
A loss of friends ... it can take you by surprise as well as the sadness of it being a shock.
If that was what they wanted, fine but after years of contact and gifts and photos, you would think a friendship like that would deserve more than just a total cutoff of contact.
I guess on my end it was friendship.. on theirs it was them wasting some time.
Happily they are finished with me as I have a new life to begin and new friends and people to fill it with.
But I sure do miss Mom.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
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