It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

A Little Ray of Light

In those dark early days of my new life, the one called Widowhood .. I was so lost... so pathetic.
Shock from the suddenness of everything and the overwhelming feeling of being alone and afraid .. I was really unable to talk to people or behave normally.
If anyone was nice or said something sympathetic, I would start to cry.
The weirdest thing at that time, was the way people did things for me.
A total stranger offered to do things on the property .. dangerous tree limbs needed removing, the a/c needed to be taken out of a bedroom window and put away .. small chores but nothing that I could do.
Then he refused to accept any payment.
I had   curtains for the windows that are everywhere .. but we had not gotten around to putting them up .. our painter, offered to do it. He spent hours here, after working all day at his job .. drilling and installing rods and hanging the drapes for me.
Then about a week later, he told me to get fans and he would replace the old junky ones that were here .. he installed with the help of a buddy, 4 ceiling fans one evening.
That was the way it was ... those days .. those dark days that I only remember as ... dark.
I could barely think and had a hard time not just crying all day and all night.

Then one day, I was in the yard .. that was my daily Getting Fresh Air time. I walked up to the farm sometimes and told the Highland Cattle and the Rescue Horse all my sad stories. The horse was fine with me weeping all over him.
So as I was walking back to my house .. this young girl with this huge German Shepherd came walking up to me and just started chattering away like we were old best friends.
As I think about it now, I weep at the sweetness of that girl, the kind and huge heart she has .. she was newly married, her father in law owns the farm that is up the street ..
She has a German Shepherd the size of a small pony. I heart that dog ... big time.
So she came to my house and we walked around the yard and she just chattered away to me about whatever .. I have no memory of what we spoke of but she lifted my poor aching heart ..

I was so so happy to have her in the neighborhood ..
Then her husband was transferred to Florida and there went my friend..

I started getting emails from her. Just short little notes, as if we were old friends from way back.
Just chatter .. girlfriend chatter .. this sweet girl who is at least 40 years younger than I.
But I guess she has an old soul .. I know she has an amazing giving heart and soul.

So they left. I was sad . I missed her. She emailed often. She told me when she was pregnant.
Time went by .. her life was busy and happy and she had a baby boy.
Then one day .. she said they were coming up to see the families.
She came to see me. She and her baby boy ... then she told me there was another baby coming .

He is here ! He arrived yesterday. I am so sorry I am not there .. to sit with her, to hold the baby while she holds the new baby .. to try in some way to pay her back in any way possible for the kindness and sweetness she just hands out as if she doesn't even think .. it just happens.

I will move to Florida. When this house sells, the cats and I are getting in the car and taking off.
And my sweet friend and her husband and those two baby boys will be my first
visits ..
I have always thought that we meet people for a reason. sometimes it is not a good thing, sometimes it is a wonderful thing.
She is the wonderful thing.
I try to remember , I too can be a good thing. We all can be a good thing.
It doesn't require much, you just have to care ... to have an open heart.
And you can be a ray of light like my young friend .

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