It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Life After Death

My husband, the man I married when I was 21 ... died a little over a year ago.
Suddenly .. with no time for Goodbyes, or last I Love You 's .. He was there, and then he wasn't.
I was married to him for longer than I was not.
He was my lover, my best friend, my protector, my everything.
I fumble along and feed my cats and get new kittens and try to pretend that life is normal, but it will never be normal again.

This is something that I posted on another blog.
But it is a look at my life these days.
Always trying to be independent and strong and finding things to be happy about or to laugh over.. but always alone.
It is a very hard transition, going from having a life mate to being alone.
Some people  manage well, others fumble along, trying to adjust.
I think I am a slow adjuster.

Nothing from the realtor who is probably not really my friend after all.
My husband would have said ... told you so.
There is this "vibe" from her .. plus the total lack of any work for my house sale, needless to say, I do not recommend her.

I always end up being disappointed in people. I think I just expect too much.
I think the least would be too much in some cases though.

The sun is shining, I have two kitties who are in warm sun comas in their little beds out in the sun room.
The chipmunks are looking in at the cats ... Look , look ! A sleeping cat ! chortle chortle ...

The flowers are blooming, there are new babies at the farm, it is super green outside ... I think I will go out into the sunlight ..


angiemanzi said...

You will sell your house and buy a new home. Fear not. Something magical will happen. I read your posting every day to wait for the news, your turn for good luck is coming.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Ahhh angie, thank you ... from your mouth to Gods ears :)

Barbara said...

Believe that there is something for you to be excited about again because there is, it just hasn't happened yet.

Be kind to yourself.


angiemanzi said...

If you get a chance, read Sheryl Sandberg's tribute to her husband who also died very suddenly. I am not a big fan of hers, but the tribute is very very moving and you might find some common ground with her. It was posted today I believe.

Mundi said...

I second the suggestion that you read Sheryl Sandberg's tribute to her husband Dave. I read it earlier today on Huffington Post. I also thought of Joan Didion's book A Year of Magical Thinking whose husband died very suddenly. She writes insightfully and beautifully.

Mundi said...

My fingers were moving faster than my brain. I also thought of Joan Didion whose husband died suddenly Her book A Year of Magical Thinking chronicles that year. She writes insightfully and beautifully.

donna baker said...

Sunshine always helps me. I didn't realize you'd lost your husband not that long ago so you are still grieving. I do know that it will get much better as time goes by. I'm about to sack my realtor too. I've reduced the price $20,000 already and want it sold asap. It is very stressful waiting for it to sell. I even planted one of those St. Joseph statues upside down in the garden last week. That's had bad it has gotten. I hope the best for you from all fronts.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you very much !
I did read Joan Didions book .. she is brilliant.
Donna .. the sun did come out brightly today and I went into town and ended up having a chat with a couple of people that I really like. Minette was annoyed because I left her alone with That Kitten.
Yes, he died in October .. we had moved back to the US from Argentina in March, the spring , we moved into this house in the summer, he died in the fall.
Tomorrow I go buy a St Josephs statue !!
Upside down ??

Linda said...

Hi Candice....
I think we could be great friends...I could offer support...and a shoulder....
I think you have done very well....I would be crippled...but at least the kids would be some solace....
And the precious grandaughter I have....but...nothing replaces the friend...lover...
Sending hugs to you...♥️
Linda. :o)

Rosemary said...

I do feel for you Candice - being alone must be very difficult, but I have noticed that you are far more positive than you were even a few months ago. It must be the little moments that are difficult, going for a walk and not having someone to point out the things you see - a pretty wild flower in the verges, or interesting clouds overhead.
Leaving loved ones suddenly and unexpectedly is a trauma for those left behind, it was the same with my mother - my father never really came to terms with her loss.
You have shown that you are stronger than you think and hopefully the housing situation will resolve itself soon especially now the sun is shinning - I hope so♡

Mary said...

I continue to think of you dear - each day you have made remarkable steps forward from the dark place you were in. You are someone for whom I know good times are awaiting - it will be a different kind of happy perhaps, but eventually you will be enjoying many days in the sunshine of life.
Stay strong, and I hope so much the house sells soon.
Hugs - Mary

beyondbeige said...

Glad the sun is shining and you have kittens! That said, can you sack your realtor and get a new one?

NotesFromAbroad said...

I am looking into that realtor business right now. I know I "belong" to them for a certain amount of time but that has to be up already.
I think I could forgive the slowness in selling much easier than the rude way of speaking to me.
You don't make thousands of dollars for being rude to people. That will be her lesson.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you all for the sweet and kind and loving words.
You cannot imagine how soothing and comforting it is to read them.
Minette and the new kitten thank you too ... they got sick of me walking around sniffling.
love you all..

NotesFromAbroad said...

LOL, Linda ... I can see us now .. gabbing away. You are right, it is crippling .. when you first realize you took baby steps, it is a huge thing ... at least to the one taking the baby steps.

The realtor thing has me puzzled, she wants to make money, she has 2 houses to sell, mine and the one I want ... she is running out of time. A prolonged hissy fit is just asking for it ( whatever "it" might be ) ..

Mary said...

I'm so sorry Candice. I sure wish i could give you a big hug in person. I'm glad you have your kitties.

Yeah, I'd kick that realtor's bum to the curb!

donna baker said...

Yes, the St. Joseph goes upside down in a yard/garden. Just remember where you placed it. I got mine at the catholic bookstore.

NotesFromAbroad said...

How about burying the realtor upside down in the garden ?
I might like those results better.

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