It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

I hope you will be here ..

Why am I   blogging ?
Why do I continue to write and post and feel that no one reads it anyway ( no comments) .
I am childishly thrilled when I get comments.

Even in my blog, I want someone to like me and talk to me .
Even if I were not all alone in the Frozen North, I like having people to talk to.
That is just Me.

But why write a blog that no one seems to read ?

Basically . I write because my husband told me to.
I enjoy telling a story but because I suddenly shockingly lost my husband last year, I now write because he told me to.

And I tried to quit caring if people leave comments or not.

His were the best .. generally not posted but whispered in my ear .

I often write things because I know he would laugh .. he would have something to say about that.
He would often say something and it would start me to thinking and I would end up blogging it.
But mostly I would blog about Life in Buenos Aires and the two of us would get all nostalgic and wish we were there ... although he was so perfectly happy to be here .

It was his idea to come back to the US.
I had not even thought of it.
I was just buzzing along one day, happy as a bee in honey, when he said something like ...
Would you like to go back home ?

Of course, we had just gotten Fabulous news from home, a tiny addition to the family was on its way .. of course I would like to be there !!

But I never considered moving back , just going back for a visit.
We never did that .. with the Pup, we were sort of stuck .. no pup sitters and too big to fly back and forth.
But instead our visitors came to us and stayed for weeks/months and we all have fantastic memories of those days .
But move back to the US ?? I dunno ....

As the day went by, small things became annoying things, little problems grew , there was talk of not such good times ahead in the country of Argentina.
And I began to grow nervous and then homesick.

Once I said yes, let's go home, things began to move so quickly.
He found movers who specialized in Expat moving .. returns.
They did everything, they cost a fortune but they did all the paperwork, packing, moving, shipping, then storage, then moving into our home.

Our job was to get moved into a new home so the furniture could  arrive   ... which was not as easy as it sounds.

But we did it ..
Minus Pup which still makes me sad to this day ..he would be such comfort on days when I miss my husband so much.
But we did it.
We came home.

We were just settling in when everything that I knew as safe and secure and real ended.
I woke one morning to the door slamming against the wall.

In minutes, I became a Widow.

So here I am .. in this big house which is For Sale.
Watching it snow. Again.
Yelling at an insane kitten ... again.
Calming her down when it is just too much for her little tiny kitten brain to see those birds outside the window and not be able to get to  them.

I have little to talk about anymore ... kittens and snow fill my world.

Hopefully there will be a buyer, a move , a new home for the 2 of us .. but until then might be kind of quiet around here for a while.

Until then, if anything pops up, I will post , I hope you will be  here when I get back.


  1. I read your posts. :) I think your writing is delightful. That said please don't stop.

  2. I also enjoy reading your blog, and check in several times a week. Just because we don't comment, it doesn't mean we're not interested!
    So please keep writing.

  3. I have been touched by your pain and loss in ways I could not imagine - or maybe as a 60 year old woman, I could imagine it, because the circumstances are all too possible as time moves on and life becomes more precious.

    Even more, I have been inspired by your resilience, and how unflinchingly honest you have been in portraying the fits and starts of the way on.

    I see now it was selfish of me not to comment to let you know that.

    Yes, this winter has been tough - but I suspect I am not the only one rooting for you and Minette.

  4. I'm still reading. I am not commenting on any blogs really. Bit I enjoy yours.

  5. Hi Candice...
    I honestly thought you did not care about the comments...
    I guess being cooped up in all that snow must be tough...
    Especially for such a beautiful vivacious woman such as yourself....
    I hope you sell...
    Pick a place more suited to your needs and capabilities...
    Would have been so romantic with your dear husband...
    It still boggles my mind how he left you so suddenly...
    I am in Florida...
    Temps in the mid 40's....brrrrrr!
    Kinda wish I was at my home...
    Looking out at the snow....
    Write me anytime my dear...
    Linda :o)
    ps.....don't stop blogging....

  6. I'm not sure how I found your blog, but it was set in Buenos Aires, was inspiring and lovely, and I'm a tango dancer. For tangueros, B.A. is Mecca; I've never been there.

    I enjoyed your adventures there and continued to follow you back to the US, through the loss of your husband.

    I've kept reading through your grief and your getting a kitten. Not sure why, maybe like looking in on a neighbor who is going through a hard time but I don't know well enough to say or do more.

    There are many people on your side, even when you don't know it.

  7. Hello,

    Yes, please keep writing and be confident there are many of us appreciating your openness, integrity and writing skills. I know I want to learn what is around the corner for you.

  8. You know I care about you Candice and I do try to keep up with comments. Sometimes this is hard because I do have a ton of blogging friends I need to respond to! I always enjoy reading your posts, you are an excellent writer and keep things interesting and current from your somewhat remote area. I love the 'Minette stories' and know that although she's mischievous, and you sometimes get mad with her, you describe your sweet times together so lovingly.
    I've never truly been able to get over the loss of your wonderful man

  9. ……sorry something weird going on with server, must be the bitter cold!!

    My loving thoughts are with you dear friend as you work on finding your new home soon - as for facing yet another cold and snowy winter next year, perhaps you should reconsider moving to a less harsh area where you will have an easier time.

    Meanwhile - don't quit blogging, I would miss you so much!

    Love, Mary XX

  10. I read and enjoy your blog all the time, ever since I discovered the link in a Fodor's post long ago. Thank you for writing.

  11. I read your posts every day and get concerned when you are not around. I truly enjoy you vignettes about the snow, the cat, and your efforts to move forward after the sadness.

  12. Yes, I like you.
    Yes, I do read your post. All of them.
    I'm sure there will be a buyer, a move and a new home for you and Minette.
    Don't stop blogging. I would miss reading you!

  13. Candice,
    I too am guilty of reading without commenting. Mea Culpa. Please continue to write.


  14. Hi Candice, I check your blog everyday and so enjoy your posts. I don't remember how I found you a couple of years ago but happy I did! You are so inspiring and show such courage with what life has dealt you. Please keep blogging.
    Tricia from sunny CA (send that snow here. We need water desperately!)
    P.s. This is my first ever blog comment....lucky you!

  15. Hi, Candice, I look in every day to see if there is something new to read. I don't always comment, but it doesn't mean I don't read and love your writing.
    Your courage and resilience is inspiring.
    You brighten my day.
    Best wishes,
    Barbara, aka hetismij

  16. Dearest Candice ... I enjoyed your writing before I met you, your husband and adorable Pup in Recoletta ... I've continued to pop in to your corner of the world as you made your way back to USA ... and have read along as you begin a new chapter of life. I know that it can sometimes seem like no one is reading ... I felt and still feel that way sometimes. But a long time ago another dear blog friend suggested I add Blog Stats - from Bloggers gadgets .... when no one is commenting - the page view number going up reminds me somebody did come by and read. Please keep blogging it is a great way to be creative and express our self ... And you inspire so many through your writing ... just look at all the comments above. Your new chapter of life is filled with so much ... please keep sharing... hugs and blessings Celia M. (HHL)

  17. I love reading this!

  18. Dear Candice... I am so very sorry, I read your blog almost everyday and have never left a comment. I got the impression- like others- that comments were unimportant to you but now I feel selfish.
    I love your writing. I live in a very different environment- in the UK but empathise with you emotionally. Your situation is so potentially real to many of us.
    Please don't stop writing - you are an inspiration.

  19. Dear Candice - I like your blog too - from the comments here you are a very popular lady. I feel your pain, but also appreciate the way you are able to rise above it and express yourself with both candour and humour. Your writing is inspirational - please keep it up.

  20. I have so enjoyed reading your blog! I try to comment from time to time...sometimes I'm kind of pokey and it feels like it's too late to respond. (Here is yesterday's - that bunny with the little pompom tail is the cutest thing I ever saw...and it was -40 with wind chill here in the am.) I love Minette's adventures and will now in the interest of full disclosure admit I sometimes tell my own cats what she has been doing. Please take care, and post when and if you feel the urge!

  21. Candice - yet another reader of your blogs but have posted only a few times. I first came to "know" you on the Fodorite Lounge. Always loved the tales of Pup and your husband, and now Minette. Most times we are loved far more than we are aware of.

  22. Hello Candice
    I have read your blog and enjoy your writing. I'm finding it hard to get the time I would like to write comments. I would like to assure you that your blog is important and please continue.

  23. I posted earlier -I thought- but I don't see my post. Please don't stop posting. I love reading your blog. If you were to stop writing I'd feel like I lost a friend.

  24. It must be clear by now that you have a somewhat silent but significant coterie of followers out there in blogland. I check in regularly, have commented infrequently and admire your searing honesty. You write well and I would miss you. I am currently an expat living in the frozen north, thinking about the bulbs making roots underground and not so patiently waiting for spring. When I was a medical student many years ago when there were very few women, we used to tell each other "we WILL survive" and of course did more than survive. I think that's the name of the game.

  25. Hi, another lurker here I'm afraid. I read your blog too, have been doing so for ages. I too find you courageous (not that you've had much choice in the matter) and find your writing and pics very interesting. Please don't assume no one is reading.

    It's just as appallingly winterish where I am...

  26. Candice, I love reading your blog, it's one of the first ones I go to in the morning. I'm hoping you find just the right new home for you and Minette. And then I hope to read all about it!
    God bless you,

  27. You are such a dear. I imagine you as someone very glam and beautiful. I so enjoy your blog. I would have cabin fever there in NY. You need to be in a condo in the city.

  28. There is no way I can answer every comment tonight.
    I understand why I got so many comments at once and I thank you all so much. It was very kind and sweet of you . I appreciate it so very much.. I am not sure you can even understand what it means to me.
    But I thank you and send besos and the kitten says you are welcome to comment but if you want to play ball with her, she is open to that too.
    Yes, the ball that she now sleeps with .. god forbid anyone should touch the ball !
    Anony, funnily enough, I considered the condo in the city and decided against it.
    Not NYC anyway- keep thinking though, we might come up with something frabulous :)

  29. Do add Blog Stats or some kind of view counter to your blog so you can see how many of us are regular readers of your blog.

    I think you are a role model for us so we can learn how to cope when we too have losses and deep snow in our lives.

    I would love to have a kitten like Minette-I recently lost my twenty year old cat.


  30. I have always wanted to belong to a coterie!!
    Another check mark on the bucket list...

  31. I never dreamt I would have a coterie .. this is so exciting. I will tell Minette .. she will just stare at the birds, she is not interested in my coterie.

    I have a blog stats thingee somewhere .. since we moved back here, the computer settings are a bit off and I lost my Guy That Makes The Computer Work Well.

    off to make tea. thank you for the comments :)

  32. Just looking at the Live Traffic Feed - a lot of us Californians reading.

    I found your blog through God I Love Paris. You were such a loyal commenter. Anyway, hope the sun starts to melt the snow soon. Until then, enjoy this little ditty:

  33. Anony, Isn't God I Love Paris great ? I love Amy. And now that precious little baby girl ..
    Thank you, lots of snow out there . Minette is just wishing she could catch a bird.
    chau ..

  34. Let you in on a little secret: I had the pleasure of meeting Amy in Paris in 2010. She is an absolute doll! As is her little one.

  35. Another infrequent commenter here! Don't stop by every day, but do catch up at least once or twice a week, to see how you and Minette are doing...I have a vested interest in your future home, you see, since foreign hubby and I cannot make up our minds where our "forever" home should be! I think, after living in Argentina, and with loved ones near and far, you understand this very well :-).

    So I very selfishly hope you continue blogging...!

  36. Really like your blog.
    We returned to the US from Cordoba,Ar. in 2001, just before the big default. I really understood your feelings about leaving.

  37. I've enjoyed your trials and tribulations. I usually read scores of blogs in one sitting and usually only those with more than ten entries from blogs I've tagged in blogloving I've been rooting for your home to sell and for you to get on with your next stage. That's the one thing about home ownership that sucks. Maybe next time rent. I've done both and much prefer renting now that I have only g'kids to concern myself with. I've been living in a seniors only bldg cause my husband qualified and they toke me to... Thought I'd hate living with a bunch of old fogies. But it's not so bad. My husband is 71 and I'm almost 59. No snow shoveling or lawn cutting, no loud crazy music, no cooking weird smells. And it's sooooo quiet.
    I thought I'd never get used to less than 1000 square feet. But it's okay... got rid of tons of stuff and haven't missed any of it.
    Keep writing.. I'm living vicariously thru you


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