When we moved here, we knew we were moving into a small town in a big place where people know their neighbors and are helpful and watch out for each other. We assumed this .. that is what you always hear about small towns.
From the start .. curiosity plus neighborliness was demonstrated daily- with help on how to start the riding lawnmower to when the garbage is picked up and where to put your garden refuse for pick up.
The lady next door helped my husband with the Riding Lawnmower which was endearing and hilarious. She is better at a lot of things than most men I know .. plus she has a heart the size of New York State ...
My husband loved that lawnmower .. he would get out there and drive around, he waved at me as he went past the living room windows, he tried his best to get me to try it.
No .... I said ... You do it .. you like that stuff.
I would sit on the ground and dig and weed and plant and water and talk to the plants.
He would keep the grounds neat.
We had an excellent partnership.
We would take long drives and explore the area, discover places .. sights .. never did I once dream that I would be doing any of this alone one day .
Never did I think I should pay more attention to how he starts that damned lawnmower, what road to take to the car dealership .. a million little things that he took care of and I didn't worry about.
Then suddenly ... from one day to the next .. actually within moments one morning .. I was alone.
Alone, frightened, broken hearted , panicked, desolate.
I prefer the word in French .. désolé ... It sums it up so well.
My world changed so suddenly .. I was unable to catch up .. to realize, to adjust ... to face it.
It has taken months .. I still weep at odd times, I have trained myself not to think about some things, I am weeping now as I write.
It has been all this time and I am starting to feel like being out in the world .. going somewhere and doing something .. I was married so young, we were together always, I have to now adjust to doing things by myself ... being alone all the time.
It is so difficult !
Who knew ?
I want to go back to Buenos Aires. Partly because that is where my friends are. That is where we were so happy and where I feel at home.
I can't though .. obligations, kittens and babies tie me to this place.
So I say in a grumbling way to the neighbor that I want to get out and do something.
In my past life, the neighbor would suggest a new museum exhibit, shopping, restaurant or neighborhood. Here my neighbor suggests going to a Garden Club meeting.
In my past life, I would tell an acquaintance that I want to do something with my time .. I am thinking to myself, perhaps they will say Join me for a drive to the Llama farm .. but in reality they suggest I get a job at a Co-Op grocery .
I have discovered that while I speak the same language as everyone here, they don't understand what I am saying.
I feel the pressure of Winter coming and being alone here again.
I am not sure what to do ... the person who always gave me the most brilliant advice is no longer here.
I will talk to Minette, she might have an opinion. If I can just pry her away from her spot by the sunroom doors where the chipmunks scurry back and forth and snicker at her because she is stuck inside.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."