It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Too Much & Thank You

My husband died a couple of years ago. We were together every minute that we could be, since we met that day in NYC in 1970.
It has been a long and difficult time for me to adjust to the many many things that a single person who mostly feels like they are from another planet has to learn .. and do ... and manage.
Ordinary things that most people know early- I did not learn .. I learned things but the things that he was used to dealing with, he continued to deal with and I was blissfully able to Not Worry.
That was his mantra... Don't Worry, and so I tried not to and most everything was alright.

I moved to Florida .. I was glad that I would have family, my Mom to be around, to catch up on things with, to be around her and just talk .. she died a couple of weeks after I moved here.

I am feeling stronger and better able to manage on my own. Although I constantly fear I will forget something Important .. I have help sometimes with some things and I am lucky to have fantastic people who do things for me so I can't manage to ruin everything.

Last night I got an email.
My Aunt had died, suddenly. She was the baby in the family. My mom was the oldest child ..
In a couple of years, I have lost my husband, my mother and now my aunt ..
I think this is the dark side of aging .. those you love grow old too ... and they go away.
Leaving you behind with so many memories, so many good times and so many tears.

I am going to take a break .. I have always wanted to be entertaining when I blog, when I told my stories about Buenos Aires and even moving back to NY .. but lately there has not been much to talk about, unless you are fascinated with my accounts of silly cat tricks and scary weather forecasts.
Someone made a snide remark to me about wrapping myself in grief ... ok ... Yes, she intended to be hurtful, she has her own problems , but it made me think that I might not be aware of how other people feel about reading what I write, when I am sad. So this is a good time for a break.


 I will be around, I might drop a little note but right now I need to set my life into the right gear and head it in a new direction .. South has been nice .. but North might be nicer ..

Sending you all  love, thank you so much for reading my blog, for commenting, for sending me emails and generally becoming friends with this madwoman with cats ...
I cannot tell you how touched I have been by some of your notes to me and thank you so much for tips on how to manage when the world as you know it just disappeared ..
I would not have been able to be even near sane without the help of my friends .. all of you .. online, in phone calls and emails .. you were there when I needed someone.

There were people who for some reason pretended to be my friends, but those kind of people don't last .. and I have been left with You .. the sweet, kind, thoughtful people that I have never met in real life but who behave the way Real Friends should ... Thank you Thank you Thank you ..


21 comments:

  1. Dear Candice, I suppose I understand how you feel. Good idea to take a break. Rest from your blog for a while (I'll miss you!) and come to Buenos Aires if you can. We could get together for a nice cup of coffee!! Big, big Kiss!!

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  2. Take good care of yourself and your beautiful kitties.
    I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you peace and contentment.
    If travels to the north are in your plans, I hope you find that place, where you feel most at home, unafraid, and your heart is filled with beautiful memories that carry you forward down the path to your new adventure.
    Hugs,
    ~Jo

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  3. Thank you Alicia, so much ! I just need some time to get my heart back into things .. losing loved ones makes for a dreary blogger .. I dream daily of getting back to BA .. and having a cup of cafe con mi amiga, Alicia ~

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  4. I always enjoy your posts, even more so after my husband died 9 short months ago. Life has fluffy times and dark times and both kinds of posts can be good. I hope you come back to blogging soon and express whatever is on your mind.

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  5. I read your blog, but do not comment. However, I would like to wish you all the very best of good luck in whatever you decide to do. The social media is so useful and helpful in some ways, but oh so mean and cruel in others. Buona Fortuna from me in Italy. Ro xx

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  6. No, thank you for being there, for your words, and posts, even though you had a lot weighing on your mind. I am sorry to hear about your loss now and over the years. I can only wish you courage and love for today, tomorrow and always. Take your break no matter how long, feel the delight of the sun, and the wind in your hair, and the sweet memories that you cherish. Goodbye for now and take good care.

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  7. I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt. I hope the break gives you the chance to heal and make your plans. I look forward to the time you will be back. Take care.

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  8. I'm sorry about your aunt. My condolences.

    Thankyou for your blog. I check it most days and always enjoy it, even ramblings about cats and the weather ;).

    Enjoy your break, concentrate on what it is you need to do to feel happy (or at any rate happier) and go for it. As you have found out the hard way life is short and we only have one go at it.

    Take care dear Candice. I shall be packing up my computer soon for my new adventure in the north. I shall look forward to your next instalment, should you wish to share it with us.

    best wishes always, and thanks again, Heti

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  9. I will miss your posts. You shared your walk with grief. It's powerful and disabling at times but you were/are handling it in your own way. We connect through shared life experiences. If someone didn't find it helpful or connecting they should have gone elsewhere rather than criticizing. I wish you peace, connection, empowerment and healthy, happy cats.

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  10. Oh no! Don't go!! Please don't go. ;(

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  11. So sorry for yet another loss for you. A break from routine will probably be good. Your blog may have helped more people than you know; it was kind of you to share your very personal experience & I sincerely hope life has some interesting and happy times ahead.

    Take good care of yourself.


    Barb

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  12. I think that you have been inspirational especially in the way that you have coped when you were obviously so cherished by your husband. It must have been very difficult if all of the financial and business side of things were done by your husband and now it has all landed in your lap for you to deal with - so well done, enjoy your break, and come back soon, but only when you feel ready.

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  13. Oh, so sorry to hear this. Please don't take someone's hurtful remark to heart. I, too, had several awful things (including the totally unexpected end of my 28 year marriage and my mother's death at age 69) happen to me in a very short span of time several years ago, and I know how hard it is; I just moved, again, three months ago, and I just don't know how many more "fresh starts" I have in me! I for one don't want you to leave; I wish you all the best, and I want to continue to hear about what's going on with you :)

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  14. Sorry to hear about your loss. You have shared a great deal of your experiences here & I have enjoyed reading about your journey. I wish you every happiness for whatever the future holds for you.


    Barbara

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  15. If people don't like what you write they don't have to read it! It is more about that person and not about you - don't absorb those comments. It is like a tennis match - if you don't hit the ball back there is no game and the comments belong to the other person.
    I LOVE hearing about your cats. Every day I send a kitty photo to two of my relatives because we all love cats. I don't have any anymore so your posts brighten my day.
    Don't secret yourself away - if not writing here keep communicating with someone - someone that just listens. Sharing lifts your load.

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  16. I am so sorry for this additional loss. It seems to me like there are spans of time where things just keep knocking one down and it seems beyond belief. It does eventually shift but it's really hard to hang in there. Take the time you need, love the cats, and pray for clarity. I don't think I've commented before and I have your blog bookmarked so I come and go with the reading of it, but I'm always happy to catch up. Wishing you peace.

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  17. Take care dear Candice...
    You know where to find me♥️

    Linda

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  18. I'm sorry you've had another loss.

    Whether you talk about cats or the weather, I always like reading your blog. I hope you'll come back soon.

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  19. Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, Unknown .. I'll be back, when there is anything to say :)

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  20. Take care of yourself.

    And re "madwoman with cats", they do seem to find each other :)

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