My husband died a couple of years ago. We were together every minute that we could be, since we met that day in NYC in 1970.
It has been a long and difficult time for me to adjust to the many many things that a single person who mostly feels like they are from another planet has to learn .. and do ... and manage.
Ordinary things that most people know early- I did not learn .. I learned things but the things that he was used to dealing with, he continued to deal with and I was blissfully able to Not Worry.
That was his mantra... Don't Worry, and so I tried not to and most everything was alright.
I moved to Florida .. I was glad that I would have family, my Mom to be around, to catch up on things with, to be around her and just talk .. she died a couple of weeks after I moved here.
I am feeling stronger and better able to manage on my own. Although I constantly fear I will forget something Important .. I have help sometimes with some things and I am lucky to have fantastic people who do things for me so I can't manage to ruin everything.
Last night I got an email.
My Aunt had died, suddenly. She was the baby in the family. My mom was the oldest child ..
In a couple of years, I have lost my husband, my mother and now my aunt ..
I think this is the dark side of aging .. those you love grow old too ... and they go away.
Leaving you behind with so many memories, so many good times and so many tears.
I am going to take a break .. I have always wanted to be entertaining when I blog, when I told my stories about Buenos Aires and even moving back to NY .. but lately there has not been much to talk about, unless you are fascinated with my accounts of silly cat tricks and scary weather forecasts.
Someone made a snide remark to me about wrapping myself in grief ... ok ... Yes, she intended to be hurtful, she has her own problems , but it made me think that I might not be aware of how other people feel about reading what I write, when I am sad. So this is a good time for a break.
I will be around, I might drop a little note but right now I need to set my life into the right gear and head it in a new direction .. South has been nice .. but North might be nicer ..
Sending you all love, thank you so much for reading my blog, for commenting, for sending me emails and generally becoming friends with this madwoman with cats ...
I cannot tell you how touched I have been by some of your notes to me and thank you so much for tips on how to manage when the world as you know it just disappeared ..
I would not have been able to be even near sane without the help of my friends .. all of you .. online, in phone calls and emails .. you were there when I needed someone.
There were people who for some reason pretended to be my friends, but those kind of people don't last .. and I have been left with You .. the sweet, kind, thoughtful people that I have never met in real life but who behave the way Real Friends should ... Thank you Thank you Thank you ..