"Old friends" ... funny how life changes, you move, you do different things, you lose track of people or it seems that everyone sort of moves on with new friends and at times it is like being left behind.
I have depended on "friends" for a couple of years now, more than ever before.
My husband was my Best Friend ... I / We never needed other people .. there were friends but we were just as content with only each other all the time.
We made friends in Argentina over the years. Ex-pats, locals, cousins ... ( long story for another time) ... and then we moved back to New York.
The move was my husbands idea ... call it Missing Family or Premonition ... I was reluctant but convinced with a new grand baby on the way and promises of charming houses in the woods.
The House was not so charming but definitely in the woods/country.
The family was not that close so the visits were few and far between.
The baby arrived and won our hearts instantly and we were thrilled although it became a matter of some sadness that we did not see him often.
And then, just months ..7 months after arriving back in the United States, my husband died. Suddenly, with no warning, not sick, thanks to an incompetent doctor.
Suddenly, with no warning, I was a Widow.
Suddenly, I had to know how to pay bills, run a house ( in a place where they get feet of snow ... feet !!!) and a house that looked good but unfortunately for us, the realtor failed to point out the things we would not have known to look for ...
Those first months were spent shopping and moving and decorating and painting ... planning.
Oh the plans we made. How nice that house would have looked .. how much more fun it all would have been. But it all came to a screeching halt, 7 months after returning to the United States from Argentina.
I knew no one. I always got lost . I was terrified all the time. The noises at night, the unrelenting snow the first winter ... things broke constantly ... a fortune spent replacing major machines .. you know, machines like a Furnace !! and laundry .. at least the floor got cleaned nicely when the washer broke.
After the numbness of grief wore off and the pain and anger set in, I know I lost friends online .. I was harsh in tone, hard in attitude, angry ... sad ... frightened all the time.
Some friends are here today , still with me, they stuck by me through it all and were True.
Others stayed for some unknown reason only to be hateful and nasty recently, when they thought maybe it was OK to be an a**hole now that I am out of my "mourning" period ?
Who knows but it sure showed me that my judge of character and my misplaced trust in strangers on the internet has to be dealt with.
An unpleasant lesson learned from some unpleasant people. There is consolation though-
what goes around, comes around. Remember that.
I am in Florida now.
No snow. No machines or furnaces breaking down, no snow. A daughter who is kind and helpful and motherly to her mother and that beautiful Grandson who looks like a Viking , towering over me. And no snow !
My true friends have stood by me, my old friends in Argentina are still there and I even heard from one today, a sweet note from a voice from the past ... a reminder of how happy we were there in that place ..
So here I am. In a posh condo :) in Florida. Like any self respecting NYer .
And I long to be back in Argentina.
So plans are forming.
Meanwhile, have I mentioned how much I love the malls here ?
It is like going to a town ! Streetlights on wide sidewalks, beautiful shops with huge windows to walk by and window shop , anything in the world you might long for , they have it ... even if you never knew it existed, they have it.
I was reluctant to go on a spree as I have just arrived, there are so many good places to spend money :)
I did buy some Trapp Candles from a favorite shop in a favorite neighborhood.. lunch with daughter, and home to lonesome cats who were very dramatic in their efforts to convince me of how hungry they were, how afraid they were that I was not coming home, how sad they were, how important it was that they ALL sleep on my bed.
Even if they bickered for an hour ... on my bed .... late at night ...
My life changed in every single way .. the important people are still here, minus one, the other half of me. But I carry him with me wherever I go ... right there ... next to my heart.
I am looking at air fares to Argentina. I am mulling over apt vs hotel. I am looking Forward.
No matter what happens in Life ... you have to look Forward. It is hard and at times mind boggling in its painfulness but you have to keep moving Forward. So on I go.
I will blog when I have anything that might be of interest but lately, pipes breaking and armadillos in the back garden are the extent of my days ... but the seed has been planted for the plan to return , even if just for a visit, to Buenos Aires. I hope you all stay, I will try to do something interesting to write about and I will keep you abreast of the plans to return to Argentina.
besitos and abrazos