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My husband and I , with our dog, Tate, moved to Buenos Aires.. Life has never been the same since ~ Back in the USA ... life is still not the same !
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Monday, June 20, 2016

On My Mind

Nothing much happening but a lot of soul searching and thinking going on ..
"Old friends" ... funny how life changes, you move, you do different things, you lose track of people or it seems that everyone sort of moves on with new friends and at times it is like being left behind.

I have depended on "friends" for a couple of years now, more than ever before.
My husband was my Best Friend ... I / We never needed other people .. there were friends but we were just as content with only each other all the time.

We made friends in Argentina over the years. Ex-pats, locals, cousins ... ( long story for another time) ... and then we moved back to New York.
The move was my husbands idea ... call it Missing Family or Premonition ... I was reluctant but convinced with a new grand baby on the way and promises of charming houses in the woods.

The House was not so charming but definitely in the woods/country.
The family was not that close so the visits were few and far between.
The baby arrived and won our hearts instantly and we were thrilled although it became a matter of some sadness that we did not see him often.

And then, just months ..7 months after arriving back in the United States, my husband died. Suddenly, with no warning, not sick, thanks to an incompetent doctor.
Suddenly, with no warning, I was a Widow.
Suddenly, I had to know how to pay bills, run a house ( in a place where they get feet of snow ... feet !!!) and a house that looked good but unfortunately for us, the realtor failed to point out the things we would not have known to look for ...

Those first months were spent shopping and moving and decorating and painting ... planning.
Oh the plans we made. How nice that house would have looked .. how much more fun it all would have been. But it all came to a screeching halt, 7 months after returning to the United States from Argentina.

I knew no one. I always got lost . I was terrified all the time. The noises at night, the unrelenting snow the first winter ... things broke constantly ... a fortune spent replacing major machines .. you know, machines like a Furnace !! and laundry .. at least the floor got cleaned nicely when the washer broke.

After the numbness of grief wore off and the pain and anger set in, I know I lost friends online .. I was harsh in tone, hard in attitude, angry ... sad ... frightened all the time.
Some friends are here today , still with me, they stuck by me through it all and were True.
Others stayed for some unknown reason only to be hateful and nasty recently, when they thought maybe it was OK to be an a**hole now that I am out of my "mourning" period ?
Who knows but it sure showed me that my judge of character and my misplaced trust in strangers on the internet has to be dealt with.
An unpleasant lesson learned from some unpleasant people. There is consolation though-
what goes around, comes around. Remember that.

I am in Florida now.
No snow. No machines or furnaces breaking down, no snow. A daughter who is kind and helpful and motherly to her mother and that beautiful Grandson who looks like a Viking , towering over me. And no snow !

My true friends have stood by me, my old friends in Argentina are still there and I even heard from one today, a sweet note from a voice from the past  ... a reminder of how happy we were there in that place ..

So here I am. In a posh condo :) in Florida. Like any self respecting NYer .
And I long to be back in Argentina.
So plans are forming.

Meanwhile, have I mentioned how much I love the malls here ?
It is like going to a town ! Streetlights on wide sidewalks, beautiful shops with huge windows to walk by and window shop , anything in the world you might long for , they have it ... even if you never knew it existed, they have it.
I was reluctant to go on a spree as I have just arrived, there are so many good places to spend money :)

I did buy some Trapp Candles from a favorite shop in a favorite neighborhood.. lunch with daughter, and home to lonesome cats who were very dramatic in their efforts to convince me of how hungry they were, how afraid they were that I was not coming home, how sad they were, how important it was that they ALL sleep on my bed.
Even if they bickered for an hour ... on my bed .... late at night ...

My life changed in every single way .. the important people are still here, minus one, the other half of me. But I carry him with me wherever I go ... right there ... next to my heart.
I am looking at air fares to Argentina. I am mulling over apt vs hotel. I am looking Forward.

No matter what happens in Life ... you have to look Forward. It is hard and at times mind boggling in its painfulness but you have to keep moving Forward. So on I go.

I will blog when I have anything that might be of interest but lately, pipes breaking and armadillos in the back garden are the extent of my days ... but the seed has been planted for the plan to return , even if just for a visit, to Buenos Aires. I hope you all stay, I will try to do something interesting to write about and I will keep you abreast of the plans to return to Argentina.

besitos and abrazos

28 comments:

beyondbeige said...

Holding a space for you.

mom23 said...

I always look forward to reading your blog. You are such a gifted writer and even the things that seem every day and mundane to you, you spin into engaging stories. I think you should consider writing a book! Truly you have a gift.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Oh mom23 .. thank you so much. My husband wanted me to write a book .. when we were living in Argentina. I told him I didn't know if I had it in me, but I would blog instead.
Maybe someday .... I appreciate the encouragement .. so much. Thank you.

Sandy said...

Scarlett I have enjoyed reading your Fodors posts and blog for many years. I have never found you to be unpleasant to anyone (at least not without immense provocation). I have not been through what you have so I can only imagine...and I am pleased that you are beginning to look forward. When my DH and I visited Portland we looked for you and the Pup in the Pearl, when we strolled through the Recoleta during a visit to BA we looked for you and the Pup. You have inspired some of our travels and you continue to inspire me.

Carol said...

I, too, look forward to reading your blog. Whether it's about water pipes breaking (which I can identify with), or seeing armadillos in your backyard (which I can't, having never seen one of the critters). I hope you keep writing; your voice is important.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Sandy what a kind and generous post ! Thank you so much. I am sorry we did not run into you in one of those places ! Next time you decide to take a trip, check with me in case I am there, I can be on the lookout :)

beyondbeige .. hang on to that space !!

NotesFromAbroad said...

Carol, thank you ! Let's hope I will have better stories to tell in the future, no more broken pipe stories :) Maybe a Gaucho or a horse in the backyard ... yeah !

Marty Damon said...

Thank you for giving the background of events, as difficult as I imagine it must have been to write. It's been interesting to follow your adventures as you've set off into this new phase of your life and I look forward to learning more.

Fat Dormouse said...

Cats bickering late at night - that's something I can relate to! Sometimes we have all four wrangling for prime position, or Millie scratching at the indow (why?) or wardrobe...or George attacking our feet...or Pomme bouncing enthusiastically on our stomachs insisting that we love her *NOW*...or Bib nibbling the ears.

Bless them. We wouldn't be without them. Would we?!

NotesFromAbroad said...

LOL Doormouse, no , not for all the tea in China :)
These are my babies now ... they go where I go, I watch over them like they are my children .. except they don't talk back so they are really good children lol

Mary said...

Dear Candice, I'm catching up here with a late comment - life has been hectic to say the least.
I really think you should take a trip back to BA (I'll be there briefly in 2018 - have to plan ahead!!!) and will be looking forward to it.

Sounds like you're in a great area - the shopping will be fun - and just knowing you are close to your daughter and far removed from snow come winter, is good. The kitties sound content too.

I'm home recuperating from major surgery performed last Wed. Patience is not easy for me but I'm trying to follow the surgeon's post-op rules (he read the riot act to me when I was still in recovery). Right now, I'm in the gazebo, my new home office until the humidity arrives. So far it's just a dry heat, unusual as you well know for NC.

Thinking if you and hope each day is better than the last.
Hugs - Mary

geoffrey nolan said...

Oh Scarlett! Having read so many thousands of your posts on TA I can say without the slightest hesitation and with lots of experience under my belt that you are a truly kind heart inside a wonderful human being. I still marvel at the way you can guide threads away from confrontation and towards the celebration of Buenos Aires and guide those threads towards the exuberance and enrichment that a sense of adventure and new discoveries bring. Seldom have I ever seen such a skilled operator in the tactfulness department.

Sincerely wishing you all the very best,
Geoffrey geoffbob

Anonymous said...

I always enjoying reading your blog from wherever you are about whatever you are doing. Look forward to continuing.

CLM

NotesFromAbroad said...

"geoffbob" a voice from the past !! big kisses ! and thank you.
CLM .. thank you so very much !
Mary, wishing you a speedy and easy recuperation. Oh a dry heat is a good thing. Living in Florida now, I will remember it fondly .. right now we have very dark thundery skies. which for some reason, I don't mind a bit.
love you guys, thank you thank you thank you :)

angiemanzi said...

I look forward to reading your blog. As weird as this may sound to you and to some of your other readers, it is my way of saying a prayer for you every day. And in a not so charitable way ;), I hope you got a really really good lawyer and sued the pants of the incompetent doctor. :)

NotesFromAbroad said...

angiemanzi ... there was no law suit no day in court .. I let it all go. If it would have brought back my husband, I would have done it in a minute, but it would have just been me against a lot of ugly people with lawyers and possibly all my money lost in a court fight .. and I would still be alone without my love.
So I let it go. They will get what is coming to them, sooner or later. I do believe in Karma and in Getting Whats Coming To You. That goes for the people who pretended to be friends and who were cruel at a terrible time in my life as well as doctors who should never practice again.
Everyone gets what is coming to them ... good and bad.

angiemanzi said...

Amen....but keep writing. xoxox

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Candice,
Life can throw very unexpected turns at us and it is only natural that we loose certain people while in rough waters. People prefer the easy life and feel very disturbed when there is a sudden change. Most are not mature enough for being able to deal with it... So they just drop us like hot cake!
Glad you enjoy this new surrounding and you're already dreaming your way back to Argentina.
Can you take your 3 cats with you, if you go there for a period of time? Hope so.
Sending you hugs,
Mariette

Vagabonde said...

Coming back to the US was not an easy trip as you had expected. It has been sad and difficult for you. I am pleased that now you are making projects. Having your sweet daughter close by is such a support and the good friends who stood by your side. I think the Florida sun is also good for you.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Mariette, where I go the cats go . My Standard Poodle was allowed in to Argentina, I am pretty sure the cats would be welcome also.

Mariette VandenMunckhof-Vedder said...

Dearest Candice,
Good to know that as it would be heart breaking to leave behind ones fur babies. I know I never could do that! My miniature Dachshund immigrated together with me and she has probably flown more miles than a lot of human beings...
Blessings,
Mariette

La Vie Quotidienne said...

You have made so much progress and it is nice to hear that you are in a much better living situation without so many concerns. I hope that you are able to return to Argentina if not to live but at least for a nice long visit.

Anonymous said...

C-
Darling, you are one of the kindest people I've ever had the pleasure to "meet" !
I, along with many others here, love reading your writings about anything and everything-especially the everything :)
Please continue to carry on sharing your wit and style and resilience. You are a beacon of encouragement to me.
XO
Nan

NotesFromAbroad said...

Nan ... you know I love you, don't you ? :) Thank you.

Anonymous said...


💖💐
Nan

Bella Rum said...

What a poignant post. You are so right. We must keep going forward. I look forward to hearing about Buenos Aires. You've made so many changes in your life. Life can really throw you a curve ball, can't it. All the best to you.

Andrew MacLaren-Scott said...

Hello again. Always sending good wishes, even if not often.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Bella, it sure can. Thank you ..

Hello, Andrew :) Your good wishes are always appreciated ..

My computer got sick and nice people in other countries sat on the phone with me for hours and helped me get things normal again but I am nervous about it happening again. So if there is a halt to posting, it might be because of that.

Thank you for your lovely comments and sweet thoughts.

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