It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

A Friend.

My husband and I moved here to Upstate NY and 3 months later he died suddenly.
We had had no time to  meet people, make friends, we were still unpacking !
So I was gifted with the kindness of the neighbors .. strangers .. who quickly became much loved neighbors.
Up to this day, I know if I need someone, if I wonder if anyone is watching out for me, I can pretty much believe that they are the ones.

I was lucky that way.

Then there are those people on the internet that one might call "friends" .. You start out chatting because you were in the same place online, had something in common, and after a year or so, you realized that you thought of them as friends .. not the lady on that  website or that person on the internet.

I started to think of them as friends. Knowing that if I met them in person, I would be so happy, I would be so glad to give them a hug, to show them how much I cared about them, how thankful I was that they were there for me when I needed it the most, when I was so lost and sad and alone.

I am still sad. I am still alone. Not so lost and making plans to leave this place and start (another) new life ... but sadly, I lost those friends.
I don't know how , they were there one minute, then gone. They didn't say goodbye, there was no sign of why ... they are just not there anymore.

I am mostly very sad about this. But a tiny part of me is angry. What was on their minds ?
Why did they befriend me, be nice and email all the time, share confidences?
Because they were just bored ?
Because no one else cared ?
And if there was a good excuse, don't you think a nice person would at least tell me, hint that they were going to be busy , too busy to say hello now and then ?

The lesson to be learned here ... Don't think of the strangers you are in contact with online are your friends. They might be friendly but friends are nice .. all the time ..
Don't wonder why when people seem to care then drop you. Take it for granted that it is not you, it is them. And you know what ? they aren't nice people.

I always thought I was a good friend. When someone had troubles or sadness or needed something, I was there in any way I could be. I guess I was sort of wasted on these people. There will be nicer more honest people in my future and I will give them my friendship and not worry that they will be false or unkind.. but I will also know that You Never Know .. the person who seemed to be such a good person, fooled me. There is someone out there who can probably do it again :)

I got an email the other day.
From my best friend when we were 19.
She called me by our old nicknames for each other.
She asked me questions about this and that- me, my life, the children .. the future. Questions that showed she cared.
After all these years .. that is a Friend.

Oh .. and she still called me by the silly nickname she made up for me all those years ago.


Tamago said...

How lovely you got a call from your friend when you were teenager! She must be a really special friend for you :-)

NotesFromAbroad said...

It really was lovely .. She was always a special person to me but these days when I really value 'real' friends... she made it to the top of the list :)

Jacqueline @ HOME said...

The best friend's are usually your oldest friend's as you both have so much history that you share. I'm so pleased that she got in touch ..... that's lovely for you. XXXX

La Vie Quotidienne said...

For a while I had some difficulty leaving comments on your posts...that might account for some of your other blogging friends too.

How nice to be in contact with a friend of long duration, it must be lovely to chat about things that you both remember.

Barbara said...

Happy to hear a friend from long ago has been in touch with you. Think of all the great catch up talks you will have once you get settled in your new home in Florida.


angiemanzi said...

There is so much to learn when you life changes so dramatically as yours has. In a weird way, it is good that all of the changes, some good some bad, have come so rapid fire. I am happy for you that when you move you will be able to slough off all the sad things and remember and enjoy and bask in the good things past, present, and those still to come. I wish you joy with good friends and lots of laughter.

francetaste said...

I recently lost both my parents and I understand how shocking it feels to suddenly have that emptiness. I imagine it's worse when it's your beloved husband. We know our parents will die eventually. We don't like to think that about our partners.
I think that people who haven't DONE things with you -- like Internet friends -- just don't know what to say sometimes. If you can't say something right, don't say anything at all, you know? They can't be there in other ways, like taking you shopping or dropping off a plate of cookies. They can't shift the conversation in just the right way to reminiscing, the way old friends and family can, even from a distance. You shouldn't take it personally. I am sure these people came to love you through your writing and if they seemed to disappear it was because they didn't know how to be present for you.
I think they'll be back. Hang in there.

NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you all so much , kind hearts and loving souls.
The people that I am disappointed in have no excuse. We are talking about people who know me for years, nothing can excuse the total cut off unless they are in the hospital with 2 broken arms. Really.
But as someone said to me one time ... they might not be your friends but that doesn't mean that others are not.

Mary said...

I just wished always since meeting you here that we had lived closer and our friendship could have been real, as in not just virtual. It's lovely making online friends in the blogging world, but very frustrating when one wishes to be able to reach out and be close by in times of need and sadness, and of course to share joyful moments too!

Hope things are moving along well dear Candice - and that the kitties are behaving!
Hugs - Mary

NotesFromAbroad said...

Mary, there is always a chance we will see each other one day in reality :) Thank you and hugs to you too.

NotesFromAbroad said...

francetotaste, my heartfelt sympathies to you ..

NotesFromAbroad said...

Well, today I got my Dear John letter from someone who has decided that leaving her old life behind, meant leaving friends behind too. oh well.

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