It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Feeling Sorry For Myself

Funny, not long ago, a friend, or a person who acted like a friend for quite a long time, through emails .. just stopped writing.
At first I put it down to personal things on her side .. big changes in her life .. a new home, everything can be too much and keeping up with emails to someone you actually have not met, will be low on the priority list.

But then I found out that things changed greatly in her life and it made a lot of sense that she was not busy emailing all day - she had a vastly different life she was living now.
I was understanding but admit to being hurt that some old friends were not included in her new life.

I know, being alone up here in the middle of nowhere, I have more time to send emails than some people with busy lives and a spouse or obligations but when I was married and had 2 children and schools and work to deal with, I still enjoyed sitting down in the evening or morning and catching up with friends.

I considered them friends, whether we had met in "real life" or not.

And when I lived in Buenos Aires, I know it was more interesting than emailing with me in Farm Country,  NY , USA ..
Which makes me stop and think, was I of interest or was it just that my husband and I up and moved to Argentina and people thought that was interesting.
When my husband died, I heard from friends and it was so kind and dear of every person who would write now and then to see how I was doing, that they were thinking of me.

Being isolated up here , grieving .. those emails and little gifts now and then,  were cherished and  so comforting to me .. someone cared .. someone thought of me ...

Just an email saying Hi, How are you ? showed that I was not quite as alone as I felt.

So now I have 2 cats.
It is entirely the fault of those people I thought were Real Friends.
If I weren't so sad and alone, I would not have adopted two cats to keep me company and to snuggle when I feel bad ...
So in case they are reading this ... Know that I was your friend, whether we ever met in "real life" or not and that I miss you just as if we were living close by and suddenly you moved away and left me behind.

With 2 cats.

1 comment:

  1. You know, I think this is not such an uncommon experience for widows or for people who have undergone a traumatic change in their lives. I had many "close" friends before my father became ill. I moved an hour away and became his caregiver, and I lost touch with so many friends when I needed them most. When we go through a very difficult patch, it's almost as if people distance themselves because they want to deny that it could happen to them, and I'm sure I wasn't as much fun to be around anymore. I'm not sure this is what happened to you, but it must have been very disappointing for you to lose friends at such a time in your life.


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