It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Monday, August 11, 2014

I Might Have To Go Buy Something

I don't know which is worse, being alone All the time or having company for a couple of days then being alone ...
The alone after having company seems worse ..

I have to settle back in . . adjust again .. get used to waking to silence that is only broken by a kitten who wants her breakfast.
Get used to not hearing familiar sounds that I heard upon waking every morning for 43 years ..
Getting my own coffee, not having someone to discuss what the days activities will be ..  not having someone to discuss anything with ... any time ..

I talk to the cat too much.
She doesn't care but I feel that I am still young enough not to fit the requirements for the dotty old woman who lives with cats and talks to them all the time.
I caught myself telling her to "Look ! look at that bird ! What kind of bird is it ? "
She didn't even look.

She does like the chipmunks and understands the sound of the word ... Chip is all she has to hear and she is at the glass door, little bitty nose pressed to the glass. . tail whipping back and forth .. she is too young to be subtle .. she has yet to learn the cool cat slinky thing.
Now she just dashes around and crashes into things and breaks too many things .. coming close to the Wrath of Mama when she broke a piece of china , while I was still having my first cup of coffee.

Pup knew better than that ... Pup would walk with me to the kitchen, he would sit and wait while I got my coffee first, then his breakfast ... then he would walk into the bedroom or living room and lay down and relax while mama woke up.

Minette ? I have my doubts .. she will most likely never reach that state of quiet calmness.
Right now she is staring at the white blanket in her crate, trying to think of something to do other than to lie down and just Go To Sleep.
Now she is staring at me.
It Won't Work.

I am still going through sad stuff with paperwork and changing things into my name .. regardless of beautiful weather, sunshine and flowers, there is a sadness that just sort of hovers over me.

Tomorrow should be another beautiful day.
I am thinking of getting some flowers and planting them around Minettes Chipmunk Retreat.
The birdbath is there, they drink and relax out there , have their pistachios that some nice lady tosses out there when they aren't looking .. they laugh at the cat behind the screen .. very laid back chipmunks in my garden.

I was supposed to get a haircut.
I was excited about it.
Then today I started worrying. What if ... she cuts it too short, too many layers, she doesn't know what she is doing ?
What if I can't manage it after she cuts it ... what if I look like a dork ... or worse .. ( is there a worse than a dork ? )
I might cry if it is horrible ...

I might have to go buy something.
Shoes might be nice .. or a kitten toy .. I need a Smart Phone.
My iPhone bit the dust .. it was fabulous.
A gift while we were in Argentina.
Even when it couldn't be used as a phone, I got/sent emails, took photos, got directions for driving .. now I just have the plain ordinary cell phone.
It does nothing but take or make phone calls... imagine that.

We will see what tomorrow brings .. you never know. .


  1. Hugs to you... can't be easy.

    On a recent holiday to Scotland I was presented with the question of "what would you do if you were alone?" Honestly... at the moment I think I'd sell everything buy a little campervan thing and just travel never wanting to be in one place for too long

  2. Yes, the silence that follows a full house can be deafening. I think you have a perfect excuse for a wee jaunt into the city. Book a hair appointment somewhere nice, hop on the train, and do some shopping afterwards. After a few bad haircuts, I now drive over an hour to get to the salon. It gives me an excuse to make a day of the "city" every 6 weeks.

  3. Furtheron, that is what I would do . My mother in law, upon being widowed, went to visit cousins in Argentina, for 6 months :)
    I would definitely visit the UK, Paris, Italy and Argentina .. sometimes I think it would be scary fun to travel til the money ran out :)

    Cubbiccino, I am annoyingly far from the city .. In order to spend a full day, I would have to spend a night .. I am thinking about it though .. if the train is part of the trip, then at least it would be less exhausting .. if Minette can manage which she cannot yet .. I would come home to her , hanging off the closest chandelier.

  4. I, too, love the idea of traveling until the money runs out. So many adventures to be had. When you're ready, you'll find a sitter for Minette. It'll do you good... and it beats the garden club. ;) Sending you happy thoughts today.


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