Today was one of the sad ones.
I have things that are cheerful to look forward to , in a matter of an hour maybe, that will happen.
But when I woke up, I was sad and it didn't get better.
So I forced myself to get dressed and get the hell outtahere !
I decided as I drove, to go to Hudson, New York and look at cats.
They have a very nice cat rescue/adoption agency.
I hoped it might be one of those Meant To Be stories coming along .. I pulled over and asked a parking policeman where the shelter was and he pointed across the street.
The parking spot was right there.
I took this as a good sign.
I walked into this little Victorian house , re-born as a vet/adoption/shelter/home for cats.
Of course, as most people know already, Cat people are kinda crazy , in all the Best ways .
I was sad.
Looking at the cats made me more sad.
I kept thinking this is what my husband and I were supposed to be doing together.
He wanted to do this, he wanted to pick out the perfect little pussycat for us.
And now here I am, surrounded by all the cheerful young people, with their arms full of cats.
It should have been cute or funny, but I just got more sad.
I looked at what was available, older, large , depressed kitty cats.
Then I said I was hoping for a kitten, to raise, with few bad habits and possibly a bit of bonding and snuggling would develop.
So they brought out this little cat.
Pitch black, not a speck of white or any other color but huge yellow eyes.
Not purring but snuggling a little.
Then they told me he was sick and on antibiotics .
He was very thin.
I immediately thought that if I adopted him, I would name him Lucky.
(because black cats are bad luck .. but his good luck would be that someone took him home )
But as it went, so far . . he hasn't got a new name yet.
I was just not sure about bringing home a sick cat.
What if it cost me a fortune in vet bills ?
What if he got worse, what if he died ?
We all know that at this point in my life, a new pet dying on me would probably ... well, let's say ... it would not be conducive to my own good mental health.
So I told them I would call them.
I thought possibly my son would go with me to see him.
But now I am thinking , maybe not.
Maybe the Right One will just come along, I don't have to make it right, it just will be.
So for now, I am still alone, no cat, but there are still the cows up the hill, with new babies by the way and the horse still stands there and stares at me ..
He wants me to go for a ride with him.
Yes, I speak horse.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."