It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


Every day is a test. To see if I can make it through the day without breaking down in tears, without having a panic attack and without just sitting here like a lump all day.

And now Christmas is on its way.

I was so excited about being here for the holidays, possibilities of snow, a White Christmas after all those hot sunny Buenos Aires Christmas Days .. decorating like a fiend with a big tree and lights and wreaths .. a real New England Christmas.
Complete with children visiting and a wee baby to spoil.
Oh the toys that baby will get !
Oh the loving and holding and kissing that baby will get.
But as nice and happy and loving as it all is, there is this Missing. This empty spot, this hole in my life.

So I bought a tiny tree and I will wrap it in lights and ribbons and put it in the window.
We will probably get a really big tree,   but this one was just so cute .. it reminds me of the book I read as a child .. The Littlest Christmas Tree.

So I will go forth tomorrow with Holiday cheer dragged in from somewhere and I will look in shop windows and I will plan feasts and baked goodies .. and I might even hum a Christmas tune.


Razmataz said...

I hope your little tree brings you a moment or two of cheer. I am sure the baby will enjoy the lights too.

angiemanzi said...

Slowly Slowly and the joy of a baby at Christmas.

MyriamC said...

May that tiny tree, full of lights, bring a little warmth in your heart.

A.Smith said...

I too lost the meaning of my life a year ago this October, and I truly understand how you feel. Don't hold on to the tears, let them come as they are the way the soul finds rest, the panic one cannot avoid and the loneliness is inevitable. But you have your memories of my city, the one I have not visited for such a long time and yes, San Telmo was and I am sure still is the cradle of every artist with hopes and dreams, from the tango dancers to the silversmiths. From the cobblestones to the new stores nestled into the old houses.

I will not tell you that things will get better, they will get different, slowly - too slowly for my own needs - the changes come and go, but they are there. I will miss him every second with every breath I take but I need to look at this as a painful but realistic way of remembering the good and believe me, there will be a moment when we realized how fortunate and blessed we are for having these memories in our lives and that will take the sting that now brings the tears, and perhaps we both will find the way to there, wherever there may be but a place where to remember without tears.

I wish all good things but most of all I wish you peace and good memories.

NotesFromAbroad said...

A.Smith, thank you so very much for your thoughtful and comforting remarks. I really really appreciate it !

NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you to Razmataz and angiemanzi and Myriam too !,

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