It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Always Try To Be KIND

I was still living in the New York house .. a large ranch house on an acre of land, backed by corn fields and forests .. houses on large lots next door and across the street.
My husband had just died and I was totally alone. The neighbors came to check on me, brought me something to eat and just generally behaved like Guardian Angels.
I will never forget them and their kindness.

It is a kindness that went a long way in making me able to get up and go about a day .. instead of lying in bed and just weeping ..

A little short drive from my house , was a State Rt that had gas stations, a great hardware store with wonderful kind and helpful people working there .. and there were a couple of wonderful Gingerbread style homes that had been converted into shops ..

One I went to a few times and loved everything they had ... Bath Products, baby gifts and clothing and music, you name it, they probably had it.
The lady that owned it sat behind the counter and chatted with everyone.
The sales ladies were generally housewives looking for a part time job and they were pleasant enough.

I would go there just to be out of the house. To try to distract myself from the sadness and feeling of loss ... not just the loss a person feels when they have a loved one who dies but lost ... I didn't know my way around, I didn't know anyone but the 2 closest neighbors and I lost myself for a while there.
I wasn't Me ... Harold's Wife .. the Good Cook, the One Who Could Always Make Him Laugh .. I was this shadow floating around  ..

I went to the little shop to buy something for a gift for someone. A new baby was on the way, that was the best sort of shopping a grieving person can do ... it is soothing and bound to make you smile.
I bought lotions for the mama and blankets and toys for the baby .. it was all comforting to me.
The sales people/ owner were pleasant and chatty, full of questions and sympathy and made me feel welcome when I would just look and not always buy, although I generally did, always buy ..

Then one day, I hadn't been there in a few weeks, I walked in and thought I would say hello and pick up a bunch of nice smelling bath products. I ended up buying baby presents too ... they asked me how I was and how I was managing, I talked a little while then I left.

I decided a few days later to go back and get some new bath products for the guest bath.
I walked in the door and the owner was behind the counter.
She put down what she was doing and dashed out the back door where the employee parking was located.
But she didn't go anywhere ..
The other two women who were there, started giggling and they ran and hid ..

I was stunned. Confused. Wondering what ? why ?
Then I turned around and said loudly for the 2 hiding nearby, I am leaving now, you can quit trying to hide.

I was hurt, sad , angry and confused .. there was nothing I could do or say. I went home and cried.

I am telling this story because I think I am much stronger than I was then.
I think I was not careful enough when trusting these people to be kind and not just looking for a sale.
Grief makes you behave differently .. I know even now I have to be careful, I lost that little thing that makes you Not Say That ! Sometimes you don't need to Say What You Think !!!
I am working on that .. but this story is one that lingers .. in my mind .. How little it takes to be Kind and how little it takes to be horribly Unkind.
                                           Great Finds .... not so great afterall .


Linda deV said...

I will never understand people who go out of their way to be unkind. It’s so damn easy just to say a kind word. But I have a few friends that love to stir shit. It’s a favorite pastime and they egg each other on. Their gossip and titillation takes priority over others feelings. It’s rather pathetic. Kindness to others is, in essence, kindness to oneself. In the end you’re a much happier person for it.

Barbara H. said...

This is so bewildering to me. Why would they behave this way? Unfortunately, those cruel moments have a way of lingering. Maybe making a list of the unexpected or amazing kindnesses we have received can offset that lingering bad taste in the mouth. I'm glad you are much stronger now.

rosemarie said...

How others have said 'kindness' costs nothing and could mean everything to someone. I remind myself of the saying that "what goes around comes around" it often takes a long time but it does in the end.
Have a wonderful day, Ro xxx

Candice @NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you... I made it a point to always buy something in the shop , so they behaved that way to a customer . I have no idea why but obviously their "niceness" was an act put on to get customers. Maybe something about me just made them think they could behave that way.
Yes, what goes around comes around ...
Thank you for your kindness :)

Anonymous said...

This makes me so sad. That people can be needlessly cruel.

liparifam said...

WTH?? That is just bizarre behavior for ANY reason! How childish. Those immature women should be ashamed of themselves. I just watched a segment on the Today show about the epidemic of loneliness in the US. People live far from family, and so many no longer communicate in person, only on social media. I know that even though I live less than 2 miles from my daughter and in a city neighborhood, I still feel lonely. I've realized it's because I'm a nurturer by nature, and no longer have anyone to nurture. Maybe when grandkids come along it will be different. Meanwhile, I know only I can change things - by reaching out more, especially to others who might also be suffering from loneliness...

Nairobi said...

I am sorry that happened to you. It's nothing to do with you. The more God blesses me with years, is the more I realize some people are just that way. Be thankful that you can appreciate kindness.

Micheline said...

I don’t know what to say. I have tears in my eyes for you and tears for the fact that people can be so cruel.

Micheline said...

I find this so disturbing. I have tears in my eyes for you and for the fact that people can be so cruel.

Candice @NotesFromAbroad said...

Thank you all :)
Yes, it was bizarre and hateful and cruel and I felt better having told someone (blogged about it ).
Micheline, thank you, it is sad to think that people can be so cruel while laughing .. sick.
Well, it is over now- I wrote about it and got rid of it instead of holding it in ...
As someone I respected used to say ... they will get theirs ... lol ... karma, it always comes back and bites you on the a$$.

Candice @NotesFromAbroad said...

Just don't shop at that store, ever !!! lol

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