Friday, November 25, 2016
I was always the Optimist. I was a well loved child, I had a happy childhood and Luck seemed to tag along with me most of the time. Actually, Luck might have been with me All of the Time.
Because of that, I think I was more fearless and less cautious .. I assumed Nothing Bad Will Happen.
Along with that came Expectations.
I never well, hardly ever, considered the possibility of Things going awry, not working out, crashing down on my head.
And as the years went by, I had some wonderful times, meeting my husband by ridiculous luck .. or it was Meant To Be as he always said ... but however it came about, I hit the Jackpot there.
We were very close, neither of us preferring friends, girlfriends etc over spending time just with each other.
We had 2 children who were as dear to our hearts as one's children can be.
We were proud and happy with them, we had great expectations as most parents do and those expectations pretty much came to pass ...
I am proud of them and content to know that they are going to manage fine ... when I am gone or just not able to give and do for them the way I have when they were young and still needed Mom or Dad.
Now they get to be the Mom/Dad and see how it feels !
I would say, if asked, don't worry honey, it feels great.
Even when you consider shipping them to a relative on another continent .. or sending them to the school in England where the Headmaster is scary but has an owl in his room ..
All parents go through those times, all of us went through them .. we all hopefully learn and appreciate each other more.
Sadly, I appreciate my mom and her trials and tribulations with me, too late. It would have been nice to be able to sit down with her now and laugh at the adventures of a teenage me .. She used to tell me great stories about her younger years ...she had me when she was a teenager .. there were some really good stories.
So now .. it is time for me to start making new stories for me.
I have had this time to recover and regroup, to heal and come out of shock at the sudden, shocking death of my husband .. the man that I lived with since I was 21 years of age.
It is difficult to manage alone when what seems like all of your life has been shared with someone.
Someone who just Knew Everything and Did Everything Well.
He made some great decisions .. easily and smartly.
He asked me to marry him. That was easy ! yesyesyesyesyes!
He asked me if I thought he should open his own business.
He asked me if I would like to have a dog . A standard Poodle.
He asked me if I would like living in other places
He asked me one day, how would I like to go to Argentina. And off we went.
Now I am totally responsible for making decisions and living with them.
Some I worry are mistakes but then they work out great.
Some I think I Should have known better, should have waited, should have been more cautious, should have known better ...
But so far .. nothing has been set in stone. My caution paid off a bit .. I have a beautiful place to live and I can leave it when I want to. I am not trapped nor am I forced to live here if I would rather not.
That is a great feeling .. a freedom that I appreciate these days .. Being able to pack up and leave, and go, and explore or return to happier places .. I have the Freedom to do those things.
And as old as I am getting ... yeah, I have birthdays ...which I will be happy about because I really don't want the alternative ... I am still going to think the way I always have .... Life is to be Enjoyed, It is Full of Adventures and Nice People and Beautiful Sights and Cats are welcome.
So when someone is a disappointment, if I have to deal with sad, unpleasant things still, I know that the worst really happened, nothing else can be so bad.
And I can just pack the cats and go ....
Expecting to have yet more Adventures .. the cats and I ..