Grief, Loss, Anticipation, Anxiety, Nervous, Relaxing, Worry, Thankful, Sad, Happy, Angry...
I lost my husband, he was not sick, a doctor was responsible.
That takes a lot of Time to get over ... to accept and "move on" ..
Everything I knew since I was 21 years old was related in some way to my husband. We were never apart, we were always in love.
Anticipating moving here was nerve-wracking but at least it was Positive. I worried quite a lot about being able to do it alone. With cats.
I did it, it was easy and while I am proud to have done it, it was only a bit lonely, not hard.
I am always anxious. Since my husband died, I have anxiety over most things, some are really lame.
I am working hard on it. . I am doing better.
I do get nervous over some things and I believe it is reasonable. Like when water starts gushing out of the washing machine when it wasn't even turned on ... like watching the white wall to wall carpet turn into a swamp ... like watching water dripping out of the light fixtures in the den and kitchen downstairs ..
Relaxing ... when the men came to fix the water and told me to Relax, they would fix Everything.
I smiled, I so so appreciated their manner and words but me ? relax ? with gallons of water soaking the ground floor of a condo ? give me a little time on that, would you ?
Yesterday it was announced that the carpets are dry. Everything is fine. Today they will pick up the fans.
I may never do laundry again.
The cats are annoyed. There are wires and hoses everywhere and I am always shooing them away from this and that. Today they are coming to take it all away .. yay ... the cats and I can get down to relaxing again... without machinery...
I know I will worry about it happening again, this happened out of nowhere . But the laundry was the culprit so I will either get new machines or have a laundry service or something.
( go to a stream with a rock and wash my things the old fashioned way)
I lost so much weight, nothing fits ... there is a ray of sunshine in this ... while I have plenty of clothes that I like, I really need to go shopping. Oh ... what a shame ... pity me ... I wonder if my feet lost weight ? perhaps better fitting shoes too ? oh oh and a handbag ... something Floridian !
I am thankful to my daughter every day for her help. Her advice and her caring and her Being Here for me every day.
And don't forget that son of hers ... that beautiful smiling Viking boy ... I hit the jackpot with grandsons !
I will live here until my years lease is up and in that time I expect to go house hunting with my girl and see if there is something less grand, large and more cozy that the cats and I can call home.
I like the idea of being just a tiny bit closer to the beaches .. unless that would just make me worry every year when storms start to brew out in the ocean.
I am happy to be here. I am Thankful for everyone who was and is so kind and helpful and I can easily forget those who were deceitful and hateful. They will have a bad thing happen too ... and they probably will not have the good people around them that I had around me.