It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Mean Girls

Well, it had to happen, sooner or later.
I was attacked by 2 old friends , like mad dogs .. or bitches if you wish ... which really is close to exactly what they are.

Minding my own business, trying to sort out the moving, selling, driving, huge changes in my life .. getting advice from people who have been "friends" for years, strangers met on the internet, laughs and advice and jokes and photos and stories about trips and husbands and pets .. typical "online friends" ... but at one time, to me, they were just plain Friends.
People who comforted me when my husband died, She gave me tips on being able to stand to sleep alone in that big bed... in that big scary empty room ... with no ones arms around me to allow me to relax and sleep a blissful sleep wrapped in love.

These people knew just about everything there is to know about me.
They were friends when I was living in Buenos Aires and seemed to love getting emails from there, daily life is a little different in Argentina than for your typical person in the US .. I grew up in North Carolina, Buenos Aires is about as far from that life as being on Mars.
I lived in San Francisco and LA ... both another planet compared to Buenos Aires .. although I seem to remember there were a few nice people in SF .. but that was years ago .. I know NYC has a lot of similarities to BA .. except nowhere had the sweetness of everyday encounters with strangers on the street, the daily small kindness shown .. to everyone . Their love for children .. their love for dogs.. their interest in anyone who came from NY or anywhere else I think .. They were open hearted.
Living among them, I hoped I would become just like them :)

Now back to the US ... tragedy struck 7 months after arriving back in NY.
I was suddenly thrown into a life of isolation, fear , not knowing what to do when or how.
It took me months to be able to get through a day without crying, sobbing, lost and alone and so very frightened .. of everything.
And those two friends were a bright light in those days.

I have made friends with my neighbors .. they are all in their 80s .. we don't go shopping together or hang out and have a bunch of laughs. But they are kind and sweet and watch out for me.
If they see someone strange in my yard, they tell me. It was only the realtor ... they say they are sad to know I am leaving, they say they understand why I am leaving.

This is the kindness I received from 2 relative strangers in their 80s ... but 2 people that I have known online for years now, attacked me, in a malicious and as unkind way as possible.
From out of the blue.
One left her husband, maybe she was never really as nice as she pretended to be online.
One seemed content with his life .. maybe not ... maybe I was a good target for pent up anger and hate.

Too bad about that. I hope they feel better now. Too bad that is the way they will be remembered, for a short time, before that memory is gone .. with all the other ugly bad memories I might have had.

Good though- no point in being fooled that people you confide in are really strangers that dislike you and do not wish you well.

So I learned another lesson .. my husband would shake his head and give me a kiss and then insult everything about them until I laughed helplessly.
He was good at that. He was one of the Good Ones. Lucky me.
Too bad those people don't have that.


  1. Betrayal is such a deep hurt, but you are right. The memory will fade, and I hope your move brings new friends and close connections.

  2. Dearest Candice,
    Often those people that stab you merciless in your back, are deep in their heart so envious of something that YOU have and they don't. It might be your happiness with your husband and now the outlook to a new and sunnier life; in many ways. Maybe they never dared to...
    Best to close the book and move on; living YOUR life!
    We all meet evil persons like that...

  3. Thank you, these people were there for me after my husband died, they were both very kind and sweet, one sent me gifts to make me smile. It makes no sense but it is very sad .. I will forget as time goes by.

  4. Shake your head and give yourself a kiss in a mirror.

  5. Sending thank you kisses to you, Andrew.

  6. I read this and thought you may enjoy it. :)

    Reason, Season, or Lifetime

    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
    When you figure out which one it is,
    you will know what to do for each person.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,
    it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
    to provide you with guidance and support;
    to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
    They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
    this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

    Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
    because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
    things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
    and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    — Unknown


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