It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Being A Grownup

I am talking to my daughter on the phone about places in Florida where I may live.
I talk to friends online about homes in Florida where I may live.
I think about homes, styles, apartments , houses, in Florida, where I may live.
Then I think about selling this house... Saying goodbye to the last place where I lived and loved and was happy with my husband by my side. It will be hard.
I try to comfort myself with the thought of new places, new adventures, my sweet little companions.
It is hard.
I have not done this by myself before.
I know I can do things but I have no one at my back .. no one to get reassurance from, advice or just someone there ... Having lived with the same person for over 40 years, it takes a bit of time to adjust.
When we met, I was just out of my teens .. I was not what you would call Worldy or Experienced in a lot of things.
I had Been Places and Done Things but the "grown up " stuff .. finding a suitable home, making payments, being sure of things like Insurance, Bank Accounts and Stuff .. grown up stuff. . .

I want to be a kid again. Or a kitty who sleeps and eats and snuggles and takes a nap.
Who is loved and taken care of and never has to worry or be afraid .. because someone is there for them, watching over them .. being sure they are safe and cared for.

I think I want to be one of my cats.

We might be getting some snow. Maybe not "some" snow but maybe Snow. I will make my tortellini soup again. Ridiculously tasty ..
I hope it snows.

Thank you Sephora for sending me a sample of perfume with the last order I made.
Thank you Sephora for sending me a bottle of the perfume that I sampled last order I made.
It smells lovely.
I guess I will have to go to a crowded store somewhere and walk up to perfect strangers and present my neck or wrist and say "Smell .... isn't it Fabulous ! ? "
The Sweeties and I will be going to bed soon.
There is nothing on tv and I am tired. All that thinking.
Worrying and Thinking, they are exhausting !
And so is being a Grown up ... grumble grumble .....


  1. Minette has certainly grown into a beautiful young lady, thanks to you. Candice you're such a loving cat mommy - so glad they have you.
    Your day will come when all will fall into place and you will feel happy like a kid again. Meanwhile get through this winter safely and then perhaps work on moving south for certain - if that's where you really want to be.

    Sending hugs - Mary

  2. I often wish I were kitty, too! Being a pampered kitty, eat and nap and be lazy all day..don't have to get up to go to work. I can only dream :-)

  3. Marriette, I am thankful I have children, I know if there is an emergency, they would be there for me.
    But they have their own lives .
    But as long as I am still young enough, I will live on my own and not depend on others.. being out of this house in the middle of nowhere will make everything much easier.
    My husband was almost 20 years older than I ... although that was not why he died.. he died of medical incompetence.
    Tamago, this morning, I REALLY wished I was a kitty. :)

  4. I just wanted to send you a virtual hug after reading this, so......


  5. Thank you Jennifer, I appreciate all the hugs I can get :)

  6. I know it is hard, Scarlett. My husband died almost four months ago so I am going through some of the same things.

    Three days ago my little Pomeranian evidently fell down the deck steps and injured his back, turning him from a lively happy little dog into a sad little dog who couldn't even walk. Thank goodness, he feels much better today after a visit to the vet and lots of meds.
    The first two nights were scarey to me without the company of my little dog. Pets are such a support when everything else in your life has changed.

    I have a daughter ninty miles away and a son 800 miles away. I understand your not wanting to depend on children too much. They are busy with their own lives and it is wonderful to be included sometimes, but I do have my own life and so do you.

    By the way, my grandmother was from a North Carolina Tate family. Any connection to your Tate? :-)
    My brother has a beautiful black standard poodle, one of the nicest dogs I have known. I would love to have one, too.

  7. Life is so hard isn't it? I hope things really do sort themselves out for you, I truly do. You are right, all that thinking takes an incredible amount of energy. It does make one tired!! Wishing you peace!

  8. You make me wish I had a cat again. Your two are adorable.

    This (Wednesday) is day two without Fodors. I'm missing the Lounge. Hope to see you there soon.

  9. Oh saraho ... I am so so sorry ! It really sucks doesn't it ? I married when I was just 21 .. I grew up with my husband .. it was all I ever knew .. Life With Him .. Hopefully we will manage well and look back on these days as something we managed to conquer ..and ended up in a really good place.

    My dog Tate was named for the Tate Museum in London.
    I have English ancestors and my husband and I loved that museum .. it just popped into my head one day .. Tate.
    They say a dogs name should be short and easy for him to recognise .. Tate worked well.

    Oh boy do I miss him. My two loves are gone and there are just the kitties and I here alone. Is is sad now but we are working on leaving the sadness behind.


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