It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Not so social

Last year, in my first months of being newly widowed,  all alone in a new town, in a state that I had not lived in for years , in the US that I had not lived in for 7 years .. I thought I would go mad being alone.
In Argentina, my husband and I were together 24 hours a day.
We liked it.
We enjoyed each others company, we would socialize but we were happy when it was just the two of us again.
We were content with each other.
Something that I believe is a gift ...  to be content with another person , day in and day out for years and years .. what else can you call it but a gift ?
Once or twice I went out with an American   lady that I had met, she was very nice, she was interesting, but I could not wait to get home.
Nothing to do with her, only... I missed my husband.

We had some nice years together when he decided to quit working.
We got to move to a couple of parts of the US and live in different areas / lifestyles. Then all because of an article he read in the New York Times, we went to Argentina to celebrate our anniversary .. and when we came home, he began to talk about living there.

And one thing led to another ... we loved every day that we lived there , every minute.
The great thing was, our neighbors , especially those in our building, spoke English, talked to us, got to know us and became our friends.
We learned Castellano and tried our best to get along with that ... we got Gold Stars for trying .. for being understood ? not so much.
But everyone appreciated the fact that we tried.

Socializing was a bit hard .. we were treated beautifully, no one was rude but the truth is, if you are not fluent in a language, sitting around with 20 people who are speaking another language, is not going to be the most fun you've had.
But we managed in our way, we knew when to not even bother trying and we still had friends and relationships and a nice happy social life.

Now , here I am ... the one person I loved to socialize with every day  .. is gone.
My neighbors are kind and sweet but we don't sit and chat.
One does but I haven't enough Garden club experience for her to enjoy talking to me .. that and trading cat stories is about as far as we go.
But I treasure them for being so nice , especially when my husband died and I was so lost in my sadness and loneliness.

Because I am alone so much and don't really know anyone here socially, I am adjusting to that .
I am beginning to like it.
I am beginning to prefer it.
Let's have coffee ! Lets have lunch at the mall and try on shoes at DSW ... but after that, I am happy to come home and tell Minette how much I missed her.

I'm just not that social anymore ..


  1. Don't you think part of that has to do with getting older? I love going out to my local knitting store and knitting with some lovely women but look forward to going home and being with Madison, Katie and Lette my rescue kitties. I love the quiet of my home and not having to listen to a lot of chatter. Love reading your stories.

  2. I am only a year older than I was when we were last in Argentina and I didn't feel like this then, we were very social. I think abrupt abrupt and terrible change in everything familiar and safe plus living in the country and not knowing anyone, is to blame.

  3. Poet Emily Dickenson wrote, "The soul selects its own society" long ago, and it still holds true. What is so great about the internet is that one can visit with like-minded blogs, comment (or not), and switch it off when done!

  4. Your post touched me deeply. You had a rare gift to be with someone with whom you were happy just be, now you are learning to live with it. It is only natural to turn to yourself.
    I am not very social at the moment as well. Due to my husband's work we move every few years from country to country and with each new assignment it is harder to make an effort to be social, to weave the connections. I figure out, no need to force anything, I just need to learn simply be. All the very best to you,


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