It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Saturday, June 9, 2018

I Worry

Do you ever think that sometimes things are just difficult ?
Nothing is easy like it used to be ?
I have days where things are easy, things I dreaded that would be a pain in the neck to deal with ,  turned out to be just as easy as you could hope for ..
But then there are things that you just don't expect to be difficult and they are.

Today ( well, the past few days ) have been difficult for a couple of reasons.

1 - Being totally alone so much is hard in odd little ways ... I find myself worrying more, feeling more vulnerable , and worrying .. did I lock the door, did I hear a noise etc. And because of that worry, I repeat myself  .

2 - I don't talk to people sometimes all day, then I worry I will talk non stop then repeat myself ,
And you know there is always someone who will be sure to say, I know, you already told me.
That was just yesterday, that phone call, those words.
If I was in the room with him, his mother might have smacked him upside the head ... how very Southern of me ..

3- I fear being a bore. I fear being avoided because I am so boring or repeat myself.

I think that once upon a time, I was fun, carefree, brave .... now I worry that I am the opposite of those things.

4- I worry that This is It ... This is my life now. Not just a stage or a few months but this is it.
This is not what I want to be IT ... I don't know exactly where and what It is but this isn't It .

5- I worry there will be a Hurricane
There will be. I just know it :(

6 - I was told to gain weight ... I did .. Now I worry I will gain too much . LOL ... this one is true but at the same time, not what I really count as a worry.   But I wish I had a cook.  :)

7- I have learned about Old Coots and Lonely Old Women. Ever talk to an old coot, they just say the craziest things, or old women, they just say whatever pops into their heads.
I am afraid I will be talking to someone and I will say something totally inappropriate .. like some demented old woman who lives alone with cats ...

8- Now I will confess.. these things cross my mind or pop into my head when I read or hear about something but so far ... these are things that I still have good control over and should be ok for a while longer ..

9- I worry I will end up with more cats.

10- I worry I will shuffle around the house in a house coat like my grandmother wore and scuff along in slippers with a line of cats meowing along behind me ..

lol ... not really.

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