It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Saturday, November 30, 2013


I have been looking through my photos,  back when Pup was with us and we were living in Argentina...  .
  I have looked at the photos of the days   when my husband and I walked the city, the neighborhoods and I took hundreds of photos all the time, recording the sights that I knew then, would be far away and just memories.
The photo above is the building on my street. 
These were my neighbors.
The photo below is the house on my street. 
These are my neighbors.

My life has changed so much, so drastically,.. even the neighbors are so very different.
 They say Change is good ... my life has certainly changed ...

Monday, November 25, 2013

I will be back

On one of our last drives around the countryside, doing our exploring , we found this park.
We wandered along the paths, mowed through high  grass, coming upon old benches under big trees to sit and enjoy views, listen to the geese and other creatures here and there, and look  at the mountains in the distance.

It was so peaceful and beautiful and while of course, there was no foreboding or knowing what was about to come, we were both very soothed and felt quiet and peaceful after being here.

I try to hang on to that feeling, how it made me feel, I try to pretend he is still there .. waiting for me.
Or at least, still beside me..

This week I will have company and will not be alone , as I am not alone now, there is a tiny visitor and his mama with me and his daddy will arrive tomorrow and we will be a little family, missing an important part but we are still here and loving each other and taking comfort from that.

I hoped my daughter would be able to come but maybe for Christmas, that will be good too.

I can't really post blogs right now, it is too difficult still.
But I wanted to say that I am fine, Thank you for the notes and the good wishes and all the  love that is sent to me .. thank you.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving , I will be back soon.

Thursday, November 21, 2013


With the weekend coming, I have thoughts of visitors , one quite small and looking forward to a break in being so dreadfully alone and sad.
It is very cold here. Very.
And this is still Autumn ?
I shudder to think what Winter is going to be like and will I ever come out of the house ??

Plans and ideas have all been set aside.
Most were for made for two, now things are different when there is only one.
I am feeling my way.
Not sure about where I will live, what I will do ... just when life seemed so full of certainty and contentment, I am thrown into this new life.
Not one I would have ever ever chosen .

Views ...

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Looking back

Not so long ago, in Buenos Aires, when we were so happy. And Pup was there too !
This was where we walked every day, on the way to our favorite source for scones, the market that had the best fresh salmon, the park where we could sit on a bench under a huge tree and feed scone crumbs to the pigeons.

Friday, November 15, 2013

My new life.

My new life.
I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet and find myself stopping in the middle of something and getting lost in memories, thoughts, tears. I go through bouts of black despair and then someone calls and tells me they will be coming to visit and bringing a small little smiling sweetie baby with them and my heart is a tiny bit lighter. 
But even then, there is that wish at the back of my mind, If only he was here to see this too.
Every day I drive past this church. It is nice to know that something this beautiful was kept and cared for and is still used.
Everywhere you look, there they are.
Lately I have been wishing I was here. The old neighbors send sweet notes and make me cry.
"Making me cry" is easy these days . But I do miss Buenos Aires. We were so happy there.
A neighbor. I like the Highland Cattle and their babies better.
My old neighbors. I miss them. I miss that life. We were so happy.
The last of the work that we started, is being done today in our house.
I will have lights where there were none and the new locks are in and the new doors and windows and I have no money but the place is secure and looks much better.
It is just lacking one thing.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

To my husband

Today,   would have been our  43rd anniversary ..

Through all of my life
Summer, Winter,  Spring and Fall of my life
All I ever will recall of my life
is all my life with you.

Thank you, cigale.

Friday, November 1, 2013


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

WH Auden, poet (1907 - 1973)

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sunset in Buenos Aires